Pale Grew Thy Cheek and Cold, Colder Thy Kiss
by Catheryne
Summary: A murder and a broken promise tore them apart in the past. The same may bring them back together. LoganVeronica CaseyVeronica LoVe
1. Chapter 1

Pale Grew Thy Cheek and Cold, Colder Thy Kiss

By Catheryne

RATING: PG13 - R

PAIRING: Logan/Veronica, Casey/Veronica

SUMMARY: A murder and a broken promise first tore them apart.

SPOILER: S1

WORD COUNT: 2,500

DISCLAIMER: VM is RT's.

http/catheryne. inspired by Lord Byron's When We Two Parted.

_iWhen we two parted  
When we two parted  
In silence and tears,  
Half broken-hearted,  
To sever for years,  
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,  
Colder thy kiss;  
Truly that hour foretold  
Sorrow to this!_

The dew of the morning  
Sunk chill on my brow;  
It felt like the warning  
Of what I feel now.  
Thy vows are all broken,  
And light is thy fame:  
I hear thy name spoken  
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,  
A knell to mine ear;  
A shudder comes o'er me -  
Why wert thou so dear?  
They know not I knew thee  
Who knew thee too well:  
Long, long shall I rue thee  
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met:  
In silence I grieve  
That thy heart could forget,  
Thy spirit deceive.  
If I should meet thee  
After long years,  
How should I greet thee? -  
With silence and tears./i

Part 1

Over time, it was easy to find out the best traits of people. Veronica met Casey's eyes over the heads of her customers. When he saw her from across the shop, his intent face lightened with a smile. He waved, and so did she.

Veronica stood up and excused herself from the couple that she was speaking with. "You can look through these two theme albums so you'll have a better idea of the work I do," she told them.

She made her way through the smaller tables, smiling and nodding to her clients. She met Casey by the door, and looped her arms around his neck. He leaned down and returned the embrace. When he pulled back and looked down at her, he flicked her nose and greeted, "Business doing great huh?"

Veronica turned around and saw exactly what Casey saw. Before he had left for college, this room had been an empty, unfurnished, for lease space. Now, Veronica's five little tables were all occupied by couples going over their desired wedding themes, choosing photography packages or giving their down payment. "What did you expect?" Veronica parried. "I'm a success at whatever I do!"

Casey grinned then pulled her hand. "That you are." He pulled again, and Veronica stumbled slightly then fell against him. When she looked up to tell him off, she saw him regarding her seriously. "Missed me?"

"Of course." Veronica beamed up at him, then rose on tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. "Welcome home. Now shoo! Go home and show your parents you're still alive. I'm a working girl, and I'm on the clock."

Casey pouted half-teasingly. "I get back after five months away and that's all I get?"

"I'll drop by later with ice cream and movies?" she suggested sweetly. "I'm sorry, Casey. I've got a business to run."

He shook his head, then glanced back at her clients. "Whoever thought you of all people can pull off a wedding coordinator business?" Casey chuckled. "You're so butch!"

Veronica slapped him on the arm, then forcefully turned him around and pushed him out the door. "I'll see you later!"

She remained by the doorway and waved a Casey jumped into his Jaguar and blew her a kiss before speeding away.

Veronica smiled and turned around, then regarded the shop the way that Casey must have seen it. It had started out as her simple strategy to save up more money for college. After high school, Madison Sinclair had decided that she was going to marry Dick Casablancas. Their Hollywood wedding photographer decided to turn paparazzi for a day when on the way to the wedding, he chanced upon Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. When the photographer canceled, Madison Sinclair screeched until her parents had found Veronica Mars and asked her to take photos. With the held of Mac, Veronica produced a multimedia digital wedding album, and ensured that she would be booked for months.

The accident turned into a profitable business. When Meg leant her voice to sing during a girlfriend's wedding, and Mac set up a website, Wallace decided to refer them to a teammate who knocked up the congressman's daughter. It was that grand wedding that placed Veronica on top of Neptune's wedding business. It was a simple matter to set up the place and go full on as an all-around provider for wedding needs.

"This romance thing is really good business," she thought to herself.

That was all it was going to be.

She forced a smile to her lips.

_i"I'm thinking of just running away to Vegas. It's so much easier, you know," she said softly, playing with the sheets he had thrown over their cooling bodies._

"_An Elvis chapel in Vegas is not romantic. No!" he rumbled decisively._

"_But it's perfect! It's hassle-free."_

_He tipped up her chin so that she would meet his eyes. Then he shook his head. "Your wedding is going to be a once in a lifetime event. You deserve more than thirty minutes of preparation, a rented gown and a priest with sideburns!"_

_Veronica giggled at the image he created in her mind. "So if you had a choice, what would your dream wedding be?"_

"_St. Peter's Cathedral, six hundred guests, you with a thirty foot train and the Russian Children's choir flown in for the occasion," he answered easily._

_Veronica hit him with a pillow. "Don't be funny! You don't even know what you want, do you?"_

_He chuckled and caught the pillow and snatched it away from her. Then he wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her up against him. "It doesn't matter where or when," he told her, meeting her lips with swift kisses, "it's going to be perfect as long as it's going to be you walking down that aisle."_

_Her heart swelled at that confession. Veronica smiled and picked up his hand, placing a kiss on his fingers. "Okay, that's…" She cursed at herself for how her eyes teared up at that simple statement. "How does this sound? Dog Beach. Five pm. Thirty guests. A flowered arch. Barefoot in the sand."_

_He sighed, and Veronica held her breath. She was reminded of how often that type of wedding occurred in movies, and she could not bear it if he thought it was trite, and so unsuitable for the son of millionaires. Then he smirked at her, and said, "Sounds like you and me."/i_

"Veronica, I think Jenny and Mark already chose their theme."

Veronica blinked away the memory and focused on Mac, who was staring at her oddly. "Oh?"

Mac stepped closer, holding on to four rolls of fabric. "Are you okay? You've been standing there in a trance for a whole seven minutes since Casey left. He didn't break up with you, did he? If he did and he was grinning all the way, he's an idiot and you're better off without him."

Veronica shook his head and chuckled slightly, then threw her arm around her friend's shoulders. "Casey should hear everything you say about him behind his back."

"Oh you'd never tell!" Mac looked up at Veronica. "So you didn't break up?"

"No!" Veronica exclaimed. "Now go and do what you need to do with all that."

"It's for the Sanchez wedding. She wants a multicolored, multilayered bridal train," Mac muttered.

"That's bound to jack up the price," Veronica concluded. "Go for it!"

As Mac turned to the Sanchezes, Veronica returned to the couple she had abandoned earlier. She hoped that they had chosen the third package. It was the most expensive one, after all. Then, she, Mac and Meg would be able to afford a new logo to put their business up in lights.

She wondered when she became so cynical about love?

_i"Shut the hell up, Veronica!" Logan spat out, glaring at her as he gripped the bloody knife. He was drenched in blood, and Veronica couldn't help but glance at the prone figure at his feet._

_She had screamed until she was hoarse, and Veronica fell to her knees, soaking her pants with the warm blood. Veronica reached down to take Duncan's shoulders so she could turn him over. "Oh God!" she sobbed, because Duncan did not stir._

"_Don't touch him!" Logan yelled. "I don't want your fingerprints on him!"_

_Veronica flinched and jumped back. She focused on the knife. "Logan, your prints will be all over that," she whispered._

"_I'll take care of it," he said curtly. He looked her up and down, assessed the bloodied clothes. Logan pulled her up by her elbow. "Who knows you came to see me?"_

_Veronica allowed herself to be pulled up, her eyes remaining on Duncan. "No one," she murmured. "You know no one knows about us."_

"_Good." Logan placed the knife on the table, and cupped Veronica's face with his hands. He saw her wince and noticed that he had smeared her face with the blood from his hands. "Veronica, no one can ever know."_

"_I have to tell!" she choked out._

"_No!" he exclaimed. "From now on, you are never going to come see me. And I'm never going to see you," he said intently. "You and I don't talk, Veronica."_

"_What? No!" Veronica grasped at the hands cupping her face, and he heard the sick sound of the blood on hers mixing with the blood on his. "I'd rather tell!"_

"_Shut up!" he spat. "I'll take care of it, but I want you to go home and never ever tell anyone about being here tonight."_

_She moved away, with every step her heart sank at the thought their future was going down the drain._

"_Wait," he said. Veronica's breath caught. He had changed his mind. Please, let him have changed his mind. "Take off those clothes," he told her. "I'll burn them. You can wear the dress you left last night. I'll pack up anything you may have left behind. Expect an unmarked box at your doorstep in the morning."_

"_Logan, I don't want this."_

_He shook his head. "We don't have a choice."/i_

"So you were able to choose your package and your theme, I hear," Veronica said in a jolly tone as she made her way back to the table.

"We did," Jenny beamed. "And was that Casey Gant? I didn't know he was your boyfriend."

"Jenny's been in Switzerland," Mark offered. "That's why she's so behind when it comes to news."

Veronica smiled, and she was proud that the smile did not waver. "I hardly think that our love life is news."

"Oh it is when you've hooked a publishing multimillionaire," Jenny teased.

_i"You're not going to college because you need to save up?" Casey repeated as he held her hand while she told him about her plans. "You do realize I can buy the community college so you can tear it down for fun."_

_Veronica stiffened in her seat as she saw Logan walk through the doors of the coffeeshop. He glanced towards their table, and Veronica snatched her hand out of Casey's._

_Logan merely nodded at Casey._

"_Hey," Casey said softly, "are you embarrassed at the thought of Logan Echolls seeing us together? You barely dated a month. I'm sure he's not going to be upset."_

"_Of course not," Veronica argued. "He barely pays attentions to me as it is."_

_Casey looked towards Logan as he slumped in a booth. He shook his head. "It's such a pity, isn't it? He's gone downhill since Duncan Kane's murder. God, I can't imagine a family with as much bad luck as the Kanes!"_

_Veronica swallowed heavily and allowed her gaze to drift towards Logan._

"_And he'd been doing so well the months right before Duncan was found stabbed and dumped in Dog Beach." Casey looked at Veronica. "I'm almost afraid to leave you here."_/i

"Believe me, Casey has the same weird habits as any other guy," Veronica shared. "He forgets to call, he drinks too much when he's with friends, and he loves his car more than he loves me when I'm being a bitch." She looked down at the albums that they had put aside, then at the album that they had chosen. It wasn't the most expensive package, but it was certainly the most popular for young couples. "So what did you choose?"

"Out first date was a picnic on the beach," Mark said shyly. "So we're going for the beach wedding. Right at sunset. We'll only have about a hundred and fifty guests."

"Let me guess," Veronica said. "Dog Beach?"

Jenny screwed her nose at the suggestion. "Too many bikers there, and there are dogs everywhere! I'm thinking of something more upscale."

Veronica kept her smile pasted on as she took note of the details. After jotting down the specifics, she suggested, "Given the open air and the gorgeous scenery, might I suggest the third package for your video and photography needs? No other package would fit as well."

Mark looked down at the package details, and ticked off the included services. "That looks about right," he said. "You have designers here, don't you?"

Veronica nodded, and picked out a CD that contained a slideshow of sample designs together with the names of designers available. "You can choose among all of the names we have here. I assure you they're the best."

"I was thinking Vera Wang," Jenny said.

"Vera can make a wonderful gown for you, I'm sure."

"I just want to know if you have some nice stilettos that will go with this," Jenny said, pulling out a magazine clipping of her chosen dress.

Veronica's smile finally wavered at the intricate and heavy gown design. "Jenny, stilettos don't really say beach wedding. You might also want to check out the design of Samantha Chase in the CD. Just a thought."

Jenny and Mark finally rose to discuss whether Jenny should change her gown or they just choose a different venue. Veronica leafed through the pages of requests that the two had already placed for their wedding.

She stood up and stretched her arms. Veronica glanced at the clock. She only needed to stay a couple of hours more, and then she can finally settle back in bed. Then she remembered that she was going to drop by Casey's house, have another veiled insult thrown at her by his mother, then listen to Casey tell her about college.

_i"Are you crazy?" she demanded. "Why in Dog Beach? That's where we were gonna be married!"_

"_I told you not to contact me," Logan hissed._

"_Just answer me that, Logan," she sobbed into the phone._

_There was a long silence, and then he told her, "I didn't do the dump. I hired someone. There's no point preserving it. We're not going to get married, Veronica."_

"_God, I hate you!" she screamed._

_Logan hung up the phone./i_

"Veronica!"

She turned and saw Meg frowning at her. "Oh sorry, Meg. Did you need any help?"

"I called your name four times. I think you should go."

"What?" Veronica shook her head. "It's just two hours more before closing. It's fine, Meg."

Meg grinned and pointed to the door. "Well that ice cream's not going to stay frozen for two more hours."

Veronica turned around and saw Casey smirking at her with a bag that suspiciously looked like it contained a gallon of ice cream. "Pizza and movies in the car," he told her.

"I'm working, Casey!" she protested, although she was grinning at how much he deflected.

"Go on, Veronica," Meg urged her. "Casey only comes home every few months. Don't let him melt."

Veronica shook her head, but grabbed her bag. "All right, Casey. Come on!"

Casey drew Veronica close and called out, "Thanks, Meg!" He gave the ice cream to Veronica, who seemed eager to look inside to check the flavor. "Ooooohhh double rocky road mint fudge! You've been bumped from an eight to a ten in the hot guy scale."

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the feedback.

If you want more LoVe stories, please read To Strive, To Seek, To Find and Not to Yield and For Thy Sweet Love Remembered.

Part 2

i_It was surreal that a young woman who was barely twenty could stand in front of the graves of a best friend and that of someone she used to believe would be her husband. For Veronica Mars, it was fast becoming a force of habit. She had often visited the Kane house long ago, either to gossip with Lilly in her bedroom, or to hang out with Duncan beside the pool. Veronica then never thought of any future beyond the next day. She definitely never had to consider the possibility of either or both passing on._

_She assessed the older marker that graced Lilly's grave. Once upon a time she wondered what Lilly would think of the subdued white marble with Lilly's name in print. Now, as much as she often missed Lilly, Veronica thought of the marker just as it was – a name set in stone._

_Every day for the past month, Veronica Mars stood there. Her eyes wandered briefly over the stone next to Lilly's, but she never paused to touch it or look at it. Guilt clawed at her when she thought about the man who lay six feet under, devoid of justice. Now, almost fearfully, Veronica's gaze moved from Lilly's dirty white marker to the solid smoothness of the black granite that proclaimed in bold carving – Duncan Kane._

"_I'm sorry, Duncan," she whispered._

_It was not the first time. Veronica remembered all her nighttime prayers ended with those words._

_She shivered, taunted by the memory of the sickly sticky sensation of warm blood drying on her skin._

_Duncan was not the only one who lost the world that night, yet she doubted he would weigh it the same. No matter how much Duncan had stolen from her, it would not compare to what happened to him. No court would justify that. No court who knew the Kanes would; no community helped by the Kanes could._

_She was wordless beyond that apology. Those were the only words that mattered._

_Veronica looked up and saw a hazy dark figure standing under the tree several yards away. She sucked in her breath. He had been evading her too long. "Logan," she murmured._

_From the distance she saw the figure stiffen and straighten, right when he recognized that she had seen him. Logan turned and stalked away. He had been avoiding her for too long._

"_Logan!" she called, chasing after him. "Stop!"_

_Veronica ran, because she was not a passive woman too stubborn that she would be offended. Not after all he had given her._

"_Logan, please!" she yelled._

_Veronica's heels hit the pavement. For a moment she cursed the interview she had attended, because it prevented her from wearing her butch boots. She ran across the cement, hopelessly knowing he could outrun her any time. Longer legs gave him the benefit._

_Logan reached his SUV and opened the door, and with the last burst of strength Veronica pushed forward, anxious to talk to him. That was when the heels decided that it had taken enough beating from someone who did not know that heels were for elevators and not for cemented streets. Veronica felt herself tip over and hit the street._

_She felt the sting on her right cheek because it scraped on the pavement. She blinked away the tears from her eyes that blossomed when she looked down at her abraded palms. Veronica whimpered as she tried to pick herself up._

_It was then that she felt the gentle yet firm hands take her by her upper arms and help her up. Then came his voice, so sweet because she had not heard him for so long, "I'm only doing this because you're hurt."_

_Veronica sniffled, ashamed that he would see her cry. "Maybe I should just make sure I get hurt all the time."_

_He set her to her feet. She looked up to him and recognized his unspoken words. 'That's not you.'_

_With an arm around her waist, Logan walked her towards his vehicle. She stumbled every few steps and he sighed. He picked her up in his arms. "Logan, I can walk." He didn't answer verbally, but she felt the way he lifted his arms to cradle her closer. If this was all she was going to get, then she would not struggle. Veronica lifted her sore arm and looped it around his neck. For that short distance at least, she would rest her head on his shoulder. Perhaps then he would remember what heaven felt, because that was how it was when they were together._

_All too soon the moment was gone. Logan placed her in the backseat and left her. A minute later, he reappeared with a first aid kit._

"_You weren't a boy scout," Veronica said softly, needing to hear a response, even if it was just a grunt. When he did not comment, she blinked away her tears. Logan unzipped the bag and took out a cotton ball and an antiseptic._

_His hands on her face were tender. Lightly, he dabbed the stinging solution around her cheek. He worked quietly, and all she could do was watch the movement of his warm brown eyes. If he would not say the words, she would read them from his gaze._

_As he finished working on her cheek, Logan took out another cotton ball and proceeded to treat her hands. She did not miss the way his fingers lingered on the red mottled areas of her palm. Then he lifted her arms one by one and checked her elbows for wounds._

_Veronica tried to catch his eye, but he kept it on meaningless objects, such as cotton balls he was about to discard or the empty bottle of water sitting on his backseat carpet._

"_Thank you," she said. Then, when he did not show any sign that he heard, she used the words she was certain he would react to. "I miss you."_

_The wince was so swift she wondered if it counted. "I'll drive you home."_

_Carefully, Logan helped her to the front seat of the SUV. Veronica was about to reach for the seatbelt when her hands found skin. Logan had already reached for the belt and was pulling it, then latching on the safety lock. She leaned her head back and breathed deeply._

"_Your house or your dad's office?" he asked as he started the car._

_The pause that followed was long, primarily because Veronica could not believe he could evade the topic so easily. "Please reconsider."_

_Logan did not glance at her. He pulled out of his parallel parking and soon they were on their way. "You won't catch a cab here."_

_Veronica reached out and laid a hand on his wrist, in a motion to stop the car. Logan drove. "I don't want to lose what we had."_

_He turned on the radio. Veronica flipped it off. Logan turned it on again. She turned it off. Logan opened the glove compartment with one hand while the other was on the wheel. He reached for a CD then slipped it in his player. The speakers blared with Pink Floyd. _

"_Coz we're two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, Year after year!" he sang out loud with the music. "Wish you were here. Wish you were."_

_Frustrated, Veronica pushed the eject button, then snapped the CD in two._

_That made Logan hit the brakes. He glared at her then said slowly, "Are you insane? Do you know how hard that is to find?"_

_Veronica's eyes narrowed. "Then don't push me away, Logan," she warned. "So please reconsider what you're doing. I'm right here. I'm right here. You can't ignore me or pretend nothing happened."_

_From his anger regarding the CD, Logan schooled his face to calm collectedness. "You know why we have to do this," he told her. "I won't let you suffer the windfall of mine and Duncan's fight."_

_A flash of pain crossed her face, because Logan did not even know half of what she did go through. "You didn't kill him. I did, right?" she demanded. Logan needed to affirm it. He had to learn to accept it sometime. He could not live in a world in which he would take the blame for everything because Veronica knew if she had been placed in the same position, with her faculties intact, she would jam that knife again into Duncan Kane._

_Logan grabbed her upper arm in a viselike grip. "Shut up!" he hissed at her again. Logan looked around, as if anyone could hear them as they argued in his SUV. "If you're going to keep one promise to me, Veronica, then let it be that. Don't you ever talk about that night again."_/i

Veronica leaned back on Casey's chest, gripping her stomach with laughter. Since the bowl was propped up on her lap, some popcorn spilled onto the couch. She chuckled at the antics on the screen, and she felt the rumble of Casey's laughter against her back.

Around them were discarded movies. Casey had rented a lot, but Veronica had not wanted to see a romantic flick or a murder mystery. Casey had rented several of those, because he thought that it would be a nice date movie. They had ended up with the video he had picked just in case, and Veronica was almost crying with laughter as the large scary man sang the Dawson's Creek soundtrack song. Veronica never thought she'd be watching White Chicks with Casey.

"Oh my God!" Veronica gasped. "Get me the remote, Casey."

She grasped the remote when he handed it to her and she quickly pushed on pause. Veronica tried to catch her breath, giggling still every few seconds. She turned to Casey, forgetting that the popcorn bowl was on her lap. The contents spilled onto Casey's legs and the couch.

"Oooops!"

Casey looked at the mess, then shrugged. "We'll let the maid worry about that," he told her. He grasped her waist with his hands and helped her as she straddled his outstretched legs. "I doubt you're tired of the movie," he commented when she pressed against him and kissed him on the lips.

She smiled, then shook her head. "I'll get back to it. It just occurred to me that you haven't given me a gift yet."

Casey's eyebrows lifted. "Getting greedy, are we?" He reached into his pocket and drew out the velvet box. "You want it?" He carefully allowed her to slide off his body as he stood out, using the considerable height difference as his advantage as he held it over his head.

"Ohhh," she growled playfully. Then Veronica smirked and jumped onto the floor, standing on the tips of her toes and jumping up to reach it. It proved unsuccessful.

They both knew how this game would go. It was tradition for him to bring her something from the university every time he came home. Veronica knew they kept the tradition because it was Casey's way of convincing her that she should leave the business and go to college the way she always wanted. Veronica continued the game because she appreciated Casey's support. She needed to pay her own way. She had saved enough for three years and soon she would be able to afford school. Veronica was determined to focus only on her studies without needed to take another job while in college, so she needed to save for the entire duration of the course.

He had given her a university jacket once, then a backpack with a logo. Afterwards Casey handed over a hoodie, then a tank top. Last time he gave her a velvet box that contained a university pin. Veronica wondered what was in the velvet box this time.

Veronica scampered onto the couch and kicked some of the popcorn off. Then she plucked the box from his hand. She grinned.

"You cheated," Casey said, his grin creasing the edges of his eyes.

"You let me," Veronica challenged.

Between the two of them they had created the rule. They were fairly competitive people. Rather, Veronica was, and Casey was trying to be. Whenever you're cheated, they agreed, it was only because you were lax enough to allow it. It was a rule that worked for both of them, and it prevented arguments on that regard.

"So tell me," Veronica said as she fingered the edges of the velvet box, "what brings you home so early? You weren't supposed to come until next week."

Casey's eyes followed the movement of her fingers, then he sighed. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her against him as he let them fall on the messy couch. "It's all business," he said. "We might not even get to spend too much time together."

She looked up at him. "Will we get to spend just enough time together?"

"Not enough for me," Casey grumbled.

"That's probably just enough then," Veronica pointed out, slipping the box inside her pocket. She flipped her hair playfully. "I'm so gorgeous you never let me out of your sight whenever you come home. I'm so hot you can't even let one night pass when you're in the university without calling me!"

Casey's hands flew to the sides of her waist, then tickled her. "Are you saying I'm obsessive?" he demanded.

"Ahhh!" she squealed, trying to jerk away from him. "Casey, stop!"

"Beg me." She fell flat on her back on the couch, and he knelt above her with his legs on either side of her thighs.

"Please!"

He stopped tickling her, then brushed away the hair that fell on her face. "So I'm obsessive?"

Veronica sighed and pushed away from Casey. "No, of course not."

"Good," he decided. Casey leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips. He sat up then extended his arms towards her. She grabbed his hands and allowed him to pull her up. He glanced at the television screen.

Veronica placed the remote control on the table and told him, "I'll get us ice cream, then we can finish the movie." She stood up and turned to the doorway.

When she came back a few minutes later, she handed him a spoon, then placed the big bowl of ice cream on the table. "Dig in!" she urged.

Veronica knelt in front of the table and started eating the ice cream, grinning at Casey with her mouth full. She closed her eyes and relished the feel of the ice cream melting in her mouth. While she ate, she felt a throw pillow nudge at her legs. She opened her eyes and saw Casey beside her holding the pillow.

"Kneel on this, or else your knees will darken." He held her up by her elbow as he stuck the pillow beneath her knees.

"Thanks," she mumbled through her full mouth. Since Casey still hadn't eaten, she scooped ice cream with her spoon and made a move to feed it to him. He opened his mouth. "Casey, what's wrong?"

He picked up the remote control and turned off the television. Veronica placed her spoon down, because Casey obviously wanted to say something.

"Have you heard of Logan-mania?" he prompted.

Veronica blinked. Even now, it was not easy to hear anyone refer to him. "Of course," she murmured. It's everywhere."

Casey nodded. "I want to know if you have any idea how I can reach Logan."

"Is this your business reason for coming back?"

"Part of it, yes."

Veronica stood up. "Well never mix business with pleasure," she advised. "Casey, if this is about your company, you should use your own resources." She looked around and spied her bag in the corner of the couch. She picked it up. "I'm going."

"Veronica," Casey said as she passed by him. He stood and grabbed her elbow. "Look, I know you probably think he's one great passion."

"It's not that, Casey."

"No, it's alright," he assured her soothingly. Casey stepped closer to her and wrapped her in his embrace. "The thing about great passions is they burn so intensely they often consume their own fuel fast. It leaves a mark. You were together for a month, and you still have the burn scars."

She did not respond, merely held herself stiffly in his arms. "I'd prefer not to talk about my relationship with Logan Echolls."

Casey nodded. "My type of love is steady, Veronica. I've been tending to the flame since before you even hooked up with him."

Veronica gave him a small, fleeting smile. "I never knew."

"Come on. We can finish the movie. You like it, don't you?" Casey took the bag from Veronica and led her to the couch. He flipped on the television, where the movie was still on pause. He handed her the ice cream bowl and sat beside her, then pushed play on the remote. "I'm sorry if I upset you. I won't bring it up again."

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

_i"I'll be right there," Veronica said quickly as she let Logan into the house, hurrying away to dry her hair. _

_Logan grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him. _

"_Hey."_

"_Hey," Logan greeted huskily. "No greeting."_

_Veronica smiled and raised herself up on tiptoes, placing a quick kiss on his lips. "Good evening," she breathed. "I'm running late."_

_Logan glanced at his watch and smirked. They had had a wager about whether or not Veronica would be able to get ready for their Catalina escape on time._

"_I was working," she protested to his unvoiced accusation._

"_Sure," Logan said. He was about to loosen his hold on her when he noticed her eyes. "Were you crying?"_

_Veronica shook her head. "Where did that come from?"_

"_Your eyes are all puffy," he pointed out as if it were the most obvious thing in the world._

"_I got shampoo in my eyes while I was taking a shower," she told him. "And thanks for extending my prep time by thirty more minutes."_

_Logan groaned as she made her way to her room, although he was certain she would be out in ten. Veronica liked to pretend she had the same vanities as the girls he had dated before but in truth, she probably had less than he did himself._

_For the past few weeks he had noticed Veronica slowly seeming more exhausted, more concerned, more at edge. She had always seemed fine with their relationship, and had not expressed any need to change. However, she seemed worried for a reason, and Logan knew she needed to relax. After inviting her for a weekend away to the Catalina, she had such a look of relief in her face that sealed it for Logan. This was no regular senior's anxiety. She had a problem, and he was going to take her mind off it._

_While he waited, Logan assessed the one bag that she was going to take with her. He lifted it and placed it down beside the door. No sense having her drag it when he could so easily lift it himself. Veronica had that sense of independence that sometimes made it difficult for him to act like a gentleman. As she grew out of all her traditional girlish thoughts regarding her relationship with Duncan, Veronica barred other acts of sweetness from him. He knew he should be grateful that he wouldn't glance down and find her blinking up at him in starry-eyed affection. However, sometimes Logan expected starry eyes. He'd like to see if he could turn those starry eyes to fulfillment._

_When he saw her handbag, Logan decided to put it on top of her suitcase. He picked it up and saw a few enveloped peeking from the pocket. He saw his name at the corner of one and slipped it out. He unfolded the letter and read through the content._

"_What do you think you're doing?" came Veronica's voice._

_Logan looked up and saw her glaring at him with her hands on her hips. "When were you going to tell me, Veronica?" he demanded._

_She snatched the letter away. "It wasn't any of your business!" she snapped._

_Logan snorted, then stalked up to her, leaving no more than two inches between them. "Tell me why you think this isn't any of my business, Veronica."_

"_Because this is my problem, not yours!"_

"_That's always going to be a problem, isn't it? You're never going to let me in. Everything's going to be either yours or mine. God, Veronica! How are we going to spend the rest of our lives together? Don't you trust me?"_

_She closed her eyes and crumpled the letter in her hands. _

"_Are you going to run away from me now?" he whispered._

"_Of course not," she answered calmly. "We're in my house."_

_Logan sighed. "You have a stalker who's obsessed about you that he's writing you love letters and letting slip that he knows your schedule. This isn't funny, Veronica." He dropped into the couch and looked up at her._

_Veronica met his eyes steadily. "How do you know it's not his first letter?" Her eyes flew to the television set._

_Logan saw the movement. He stood up and knelt in front of the tv, then pulled the cabinet drawer open. He saw several other folded pieces of paper filed. He looked up at Veronica in disbelief. "I didn't know. Veronica, there's more than twenty in here, and you never told me." He took one out and skimmed through it. Logan took another one out and did the same thing. "Jesus, he has your entire life recorded. How long has this been going on?" _

_She mumbled an answer._

"_I didn't hear that."_

"_Since we started dating," she mumbled._

_Logan literally stumbled a couple of steps back. "A year?"_

"_You're blowing it out of proportion, Logan. I'm investigating it. If it makes you feel any better, once I find out who it is, I'll let you throw the first punch."_

"_If you haven't found it out after a full year, don't you think you should treat this as a serious threat, Veronica?"_

_She shook her head. "Logan, I grew up with a detective. The letters haven't turned violent at all. This is not dangerous, okay?"/_i

Casey opened the car door for her when they arrived at the property of the Moon Calf Collective. She thanked him as he led her out of the car. He kissed her on the cheek and told her, "Wait for me. I'm getting our stuff."

He came back with a two thick blankets draped over his arm. He closed his hand around her elbow. They then walked towards the bonfire. When the group saw them arrive, the people around the fire scooted over to make space for them. Casey spread out the blanket on the grass and sat her down.

"Welcome home, Casey!" said the young woman that Veronica remembered as Rain. She waved at Veronica as well. "You too, Veronica. Casey, you should really come back more often so Veronica can visit us."

Veronica grinned lopsidedly and cocked her head to the side. Casey leaned towards her and whispered, "You never came here while I was in school?"

She smiled and whispered back, "It wasn't worth it without you here."

Casey returned the smile and kissed her on the lips. It was then that Holly Mills, their former teacher, informed them that it was poetry night. Holly's longtime lover Josh announced that in honor of Casey's visit, he could recite his selection first.

"Are you ready for this?" Veronica frantically asked him.

"Of course," he answered. "It's always classic poetry night on Tuesdays." He took a folded piece of paper from his pocket.

Josh gestured to Casey. "Before you begin, know that your selection represents a desire, or inner pain, maybe your fondest dream. Moon Calves, your role as the speaker recites the poem is to seek inside yourselves to assess whether the same desires or fears lay within you. Casey?" he prompted.

Casey nodded. Veronica shivered as he looked at her as he read the lines. The flame made his face glow orange.

_i"…I listened with heart fit to break._

_When glided in Porphyria; straight_

_She shut the cold out and the storm,_

_And kneeled and made the cheerless grate_

_Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;/i_

As he read, and stared at her, Veronica wondered why he had chosen of all poems to read "Porphyria's Lover." He had never seemed the type to have a poem like it ready. Most likely, she thought, he took an elective and had recently taken that poem in class.

_iAnd, last, she sat down by my side_

_And called me. When no voice replied,_

_She put my arm about her waist,_

_And made her smooth white shoulder bare/i_

Veronica closed her eyes. Meeting Casey's gaze as he said the words made her uncomfortable. She took the edges of the blanket and pulled the blanket closer to her body.

_iAnd all her yellow hair displaced,_

_And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,_

_And spread, o'er all, her yellow hair,_

_Murmuring how she loved me -- she_

_Too weak, for all her heart's endeavor,_

_To set its struggling passion free_

_From pride, and vainer ties dissever,_

_And give herself to me forever./i_

She swallowed at the words. They brought to mind that one night in which she experienced such helplessness she swore it would never happen again. She felt tears in her eyes, but fought against them. Suddenly she felt suffocated, as if the events could trap her again. Veronica felt the viselike grip on her wrists and they were held tightly over her head.

Lips searched for hers. When she turned her head away, fingers buried in her hair as her head was slammed back on the wall.

_iHappy and proud; at last I knew_

_Porphyria worshiped me: surprise_

_Made my heart swell, and still it grew_

_While l debated what to do._

_That moment she was mine, mine, fair,_

_Perfectly pure and good: I found_

_A thing to do, and all her hair_

_In one long yellow string I wound_

_Three times her little throat around,_

_And strangled her. No pain felt she;/i_

His hands reached around her neck and he tightened them. Veronica started. Her eyes flew open and she found herself looking into Casey's warm, comforting eyes. She felt the tears flow, and she wiped them quickly away. Casey would not know about that. She would make sure Casey would remain in the dark if that was the last thing she did.

Casey was a whole new world to her. She could pretend nothing happened, and that she was neither a victim nor a criminal in his eyes.

He frowned at the sight of her tears. Without breaking away from the poem, Casey took his handkerchief from his pocket and dried Veronica's tears.

_iI am quite sure she felt no pain._

_As a shut bud that holds a bee,_

_l warily oped her lids: again_

_Laughed the blue eyes without a stain./i_

"Oh God," she murmured. No matter how many times she had read the poem or heard it read aloud, she trembled when she reached that part, when the persona had finally killed his lover and was looking into the corpse's dead eyes.

_iAnd I untightened next the tress_

_About her neck; her cheek once more_

_Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss:_

_l propped her head up as before,_

_Only, this time my shoulder bore_

_Her head, which droops upon it still/i_

Casey reached over and held her hand. Veronica asked herself whether Casey understood the poem or not.

Now the persona spoke of his happiness as the dead woman now lay completely dependent against him. She looked into Casey's eyes and knew that he did not understand what he was saying. There was no way that he could look at her so lovingly, the way he always did, if he understood the poem. His hand around hers tightened as he said the last lines.

_iThe smiling rosy little head,_

_So glad it has its utmost will,_

_That all it scorned at once is fled,_

_And l, its love, am gained instead!_

_Porphyria's love: she guessed not how_

_Her darling one wish would be heard._

_And thus we sit together now,_

_And all night long we have not stirred,_

_And yet God has not said aword/i_

The spattered applause that followed broke Veronica from her fascination with his eyes. She realized that Casey was done. Veronica started clapping as he smiled at her.

"Did you like that?" he asked.

Veronica hesitated a few seconds before answering, "It was breathtaking."

Casey nodded and kissed her on the forehead. The two huddled under their blanket and leaned against each other. The night drew late and Veronica laid her head on his shoulders. He placed his arm around her as they watched the rest of the members read.

Josh looked at the two of them. "Veronica?"

Veronica stiffened. "I didn't prepare."

"Why don't you recite to us your favorite poem? I'm sure in your life one or two has struck you close enough to heart that you memorized a few lines," he urged.

She thought back to the one poem she had always related to the months following Duncan's death, and what had happened between her and Logan.

iPity me not because the light of day

At close of day no longer walks the sky;

Pity me not for beauties passed away

From field and thicket as the year goes by;

Pity me not the waning of the moon,

Nor that the ebbing tide goes out to sea,

Nor that a man's desire is hushed so soon,

And you no longer look with love on me.i/

Her voice caught at the emotion that suddenly hit her as she remembered the way Logan had avoided her.

_iVeronica stood in line with Wallace as she waited for his bus. Wallace had received his sports scholarship and was going away to college. When it was his time to board, Wallace gave Veronica a hug and climbed onto the bus._

_She waved as Wallace's bus left. When she turned around, she sighed. It was going to be a long walk to the bus stop going back to Neptune._

_Veronica trudged along the road when she saw Logan's car approach. She waved at him, and he zipped by fast._

_That was when Casey's Jaguar stopped in front of her. "Need a lift?"/i_

There were so many occasions, and she felt that he had cut her out of his life. Many times she had thought it was possibly because he loved her too much.

_iThis love I have known always: love is no more_

_Than the wide blossom which the wind assails,_

_Than the great tide that treads the shifting shore,_

_Strewing fresh wreckage gathered in the gales._

_Pity me that the heart is slow to learn_

_What the swift mind beholds at every turn./i_

"Are you okay?"

Veronica looked at Casey confused until she felt the cold wind kiss her cheeks. Her hands flew up to her face and found that she had been crying as she recited the poem. She looked around her and saw everyone applauding.

"Veronica?"

She saw Josh watching her closely, and she smiled. "I'm sorry. It's a beautiful poem."

"Yes it is," Josh agreed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Veronica," Holly said gently, "do you want to talk about any insecurity you feel regarding your relationship with Casey?"

Veronica's jaw dropped. Holly and Josh opened that possibility in the collective because she had recited a poem about a woman who was pleading for sympathy because she could not accept that the man she loved no longer loved her. However, they did not react when Casey read a poem about a man who murdered his lover because he wanted her to remain forever pure and within his control. Sometimes, it sucked to be the virtual newbie.

"I'm not insecure," Veronica protested.

She saw Casey look at her with concern.

"Nobody's judging you, Veronica." Around her, the Moon Calf Collective gazed at her with understanding and support. "I know how hard it is when Casey's away most of the time."

"Veronica," Casey said softly, "where's the box?"

"What box?"

"The one I brought for you."

"The college pin?" she asked.

"Just get the box, Veronica. You put it in your pocket earlier."

Veronica drew out the box and handed it to him. Casey took the box and looked up at Josh. Josh smiled and approached Casey. Josh slapped Casey a few times on the box. "Moon Calves, let's go and grab the marshmallows from the supplies!"

The group rose and spread out. Veronica watched as everyone left. She then turned to Casey, who already had the box opened. Veronica gasped as she saw the ring, with its diamond reflecting the light from the bonfire and the moon.

"Casey!" she exclaimed.

He smiled and took the ring from the box. He picked up her hand and slid the ring on her finger. "There's nothing to worry about, Veronica. I'm so in love with you. We're getting married as soon as I graduate. I promise, Veronica. I'm going to give you more love than you'd know what to do with."

Veronica bit her lower lip and looked down at the diamond ring on her finger. By a bonfire, sitting on a blanket under the moon and the stars, Veronica found out she was going to be Mrs. Casey Gant.

She yawned.

"Tired?"

Veronica nodded. "We're opening the shop early tomorrow."

"When we're married, you know you're going to have to sell the business to Mac and Meg."

"I'd get bored out of my mind!"

"The kids will keep you busy," he pointed out.

Veronica wondered if the diamond wasn't too large for her finger. It looked odd sitting there. "We'll talk about it, okay?"

Casey nodded. He drew her close and kissed her on the lips. "Come on. You're so tired. I'll take you home."


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

The car parked in the Gant driveway. Casey leaned over the passenger side and shook Veronica gently. She blinked the sleep away from her eyes and looked at her surroundings. "Stay over tonight," Casey said softly.

Veronica turned to her fiancé. "I thought you were driving me home, Case."

"I did. To our home."

"Casey, my dad's waiting for me."

He grinned at her. "Your dad likes me. He won't mind."

She sighed. "I just wish you'd asked before you decided. I don't even have clothes here."

"I took care of all that." He placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. "When I picked up the ice cream and videos I took the liberty of passing by your house and grabbing your stuff." He reached for a bag from the backseat and placed it on her lap.

Veronica opened the bag and froze at the familiar articles of clothing. They were the ones laid exactly on the top of the stack of her closet. He was right. He had picked up a nightshirt, a pair of jeans and a shirt for tomorrow, and underwear. She tried to keep her voice cool when she asked, "Did my dad let you in?"

"Your dad was at work." Casey brushed her hair behind her ear. "You really are exhausted if you've forgotten your dad's schedule. Even I have it all memorized."

She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Casey, how did you get into my house, in my room, and into my underwear drawer?"

"Veronica, I've taken you home more times than you can count. I know where the key's hidden." He sighed. "Is this about privacy? Veronica, don't be a prude. We're getting married."

Stiffly, she requested, "Can you drive me home, Casey? I really don't appreciate what you did."

"Is it so bad that I want to spend time with the woman I'm going to marry? I'm home only for a short time and I want to be with you as much as I can," he explained slowly. "Come on," he cajoled, giving her the smile she loved so much. "It's the first time you're coming in as the next Mrs Gant. Mark your territory, Veronica."

Veronica took the bag in her hands and opened the door. "We are not living with your parents, Casey." Mrs. Gant had always looked at her oddly, and it unsettled Veronica.

"They're going to find their own house when we get married," he assured her.

She shook her head, unwilling to argue. She, Meg and Mac were going to have a long conversation about this. While Meg completely supported her relationship with Casey, Mac had the more logical head. Veronica needed level and objective heads. She glanced at herself in the mirror. There was no reason to give Mrs Gant ammunition to silently judge Veronica with. She checked her makeup and fixed her hair. It was a hopeless mess. Veronica took the scrunchie from the bag and tied her hair in a ponytail.

That was when she saw the hickey on her collarbone. She frowned and rubbed at the red spot. They had not been that playful or physical in the Collective. In fact, she did not remember any incident between the two of them that could have given her that hickey. Veronica glanced at Casey.

"I'm sorry," he said. He leaned over and placed a kiss over her skin. "I couldn't help myself."

"Casey, when did I get this?" she inquired coolly as he went over to her side and helped her out.

"The stoplight between Breakwater Lane and 5th."

"Oh my God, Casey!" she exclaimed. Veronica pulled away, but continued walking towards the house. "I was asleep!"

"You were beautiful," he told her. He opened the door and led her inside. Veronica whirled to face him while they were in the living room. "It's not a crime. Jesus, Veronica, other girlfriends complain about not being given enough attention."

_i Mark your territory, Veronica./i_

She gasped. "You want me to be like other women, Casey? Find someone else. I am not a house. You do not mark me!"

"What the hell is so wrong with it?"

Veronica felt the tears surface, tears that she had long thought dry. "You know more than anyone how I hate having control stripped away from me," she said quietly.

She saw in his eyes the exact moment when realization dawned on him. "Veronica," he whispered. He walked over to her and took her by her wrists, pulling her close and kissing her knuckles. "I'm sorry."

Veronica looked into his eyes and saw the worry, the anxiety. "You can't do this to me," she sobbed. Casey nodded, then kissed her knuckles. Idly, at the back of her mind, she felt the pain caused by how tightly he held her wrists. She could see his face. His face never lied to her. He regretted it. Veronica felt guilty for burdening him with her own scars. It wouldn't have been such a great deal for someone else. To her, it was catastrophe. "You're hurting me."

Immediately, he let go of her wrists. She saw the tear tracks on his cheeks. He met her eyes.

"We were sleeping. I would appreciate it if you can lower your voices."

Veronica looked over Casey's shoulder and saw Mrs Gant standing in the doorway. Casey turned around. Veronica saw the way his slumped shoulders straightened at the sight of his mother.

"I'm sorry, Mrs Gant," she choked. "I was just on my way home."

Veronica was about to leave when Casey glanced at her. "Please stay."

"I want to go," Veronica insisted in a firmer voice.

"Okay," he agreed sadly. "Wait for me, okay? I'll drive you home."

"There's really no need."

"Veronica."

That was all he had to say. She nodded.

"Can I talk to you, mom?"

Veronica watched from the periphery of her vision as Casey walked up to his mother and the two of them vanished behind the wall. There were quiet voices. She settled onto the couch and closed her eyes. Suddenly, the evening seemed too crammed, and she was suffocating. Her life wasn't her own anymore, and decisions were being made for her. She was stronger than that. That was what she believed. Yet this was the second time this happened. Once upon a time, Logan Echolls also made the decisions, and sidestepped over what she wanted.

It was happening all over again. Maybe she really wasn't as tough as everyone wanted her to believe. Her hand reached up to cover the hickey she didn't want.

_iVeronica shivered as she walked through the halls of Kane Software. Jake Kane had called for her, and here she was, prompt and dressed up despite the fact that she did not want to face Duncan's father. It could have been an option to decline. However, he was the grieving father and she was the reason Duncan was dead. She owed Jake Kane at least this._

_After giving her name to Mr. Kane's assistant, she was ushered into the office. Behind the looming grand mahogany table sat Jake Kane. Behind his right shoulder stood Logan Echolls, dressed in full black. Veronica's gaze flew to Logan's face. _

"_Veronica, take a seat. Do you want something to drink?"_

_She imperceptibly shook her head._

"_I know how Duncan's death must be terrible for you as well. Even after you broke up, I know you two continued to love each other. That's what first love does to a person."_

_Veronica did not want to, but his words and the quiet way he spoke, made her want to cry. He was still there. He never spoke to her outside, never smiled, never acknowledged her presence. He was there and he had taken away everything that could have made her feel better. No embraces or kisses—not even the luxury of hearing his voice over the phone._

"_We're all devastated in the aftermath of Duncan's death," she said truthfully._

_Veronica closed her eyes, feeling the bite of pain in her scalp when he had used his hand to pull her hair and had made her look into his eyes at the exact moment he tore through her insides. She felt the tears roll down her cheeks, and it only made her remember how his teeth had cut into her lips and she had tasted the metallic bitter sweetness of her blood filling her mouth._

"_It was never the same after that," Veronica choked._

_When she opened her eyes, she saw Logan's position behind Jake Kane had shifted. He was leaning forward now. If he had been more open with his emotions, Veronica might have thought he was concerned. She shook away those thoughts, because Logan had completely shut her out of his life._

_Jake Kane nodded, agreeing with everything that Veronica shared. "This may not be a good idea, because you were so close to him." That brought to Veronica feelings of being submerged in the water, drowning inside, when she remembered how close he had been, how her skin abraded when he rubbed and won't let go. "But I will ask for this, nonetheless. You were able to do it with Lilly."_

_And she knew what he was going to ask. Her head screamed._

"_Investigate this case. I want to know who killed my only son."_

"_The sheriff's office is all over this, Mr Kane," she answered._

"_I want you to do it. I don't trust anyone else to see justice done for Duncan."_

"_Mr. Kane—"_

_He turned to the young man behind him. "Logan agreed to be here to help me convince you."_

_Logan stepped forward, his face shuttered, and said, "Think about it, Veronica. We both loved him very much. This is the last thing we can do for him."_

"_Just agree to think about it, alright?" Jake prodded._

_She wanted to say no, but she looked into Jake's eyes and saw all the pain of a father that she never wanted to see in her own father's eyes. And then she wanted to confess. She opened her mouth, but suddenly Logan was beside her gripping her arm. She closed her eyes because even with his painful hold, she was ecstatic. He was touching her again!_

"_Say you'll think about it," Logan said quietly._

"_I'll think about it," she whispered, ashamed of herself because she could not even disagree with the person who had caused her so much pain._

_Logan turned to Jake Kane and told him, "I'll take her to the lobby."_

_Jake nodded and soon, Veronica felt herself propelled out of the office and into the elevator. Veronica turned to Logan. Before she could speak, he had placed a finger on her lips to quiet her. She pushed him away just as the elevator bell sounded and in walked two more occupants. Finally, as they walked to the lobby and out of the building towards her car, she turned to him, eyes blazing and demanded, "What else do you want, Logan?"_

_He opened the car door for her. "Get in."_

_Veronica slid inside and turned to him. Logan leaned down and shut the door. He rested his elbows on the window. "Say you'll think about it, then say yes. Don't give him an answer."_

"_What were you doing there?" she whispered._

"_Making sure seeing Jake Kane broken won't make you tell," he informed her. "We loved him," he admitted. "But he was a psychopath. You're not going down for a psychopath."_

_Veronica took a deep breath. "Logan, please come back to me."_

"_Drive away," was his answer._

_Veronica started the car. She had nothing left to lose. "I'm still in love with you."_

"_I won't make this hard for you." Logan turned around and walked back towards Kane Software./i_

Veronica jumped up from her seat when she heard the sound of glass shattering. She was about to run towards the noise when Casey walked through the doorway smiling at her.

"Sorry. Mom accidentally elbowed my one of grandma's Chinese vases."

"Oh no," she whispered, knowing how expensive the collection was.

"Don't worry about it." Casey picked up her bag and asked, "Are you ready?"

Veronica nodded. Casey led her to the doorway. On their way out, she glanced back and saw Casey's mother holding a hand towel to her arm, with the maids moving around her. "Should we help them?"

He smirked down at Veronica. "How do you think she'll receive it?"

"You're right," she murmured.

On the way back to the Mars apartment, Veronica watched Casey's face as the headlights from the other vehicles played reds and oranges on his cheeks. He looked almost the same as he did as he read to her during the bonfire.

He was beautiful, and he was kind. She had to remember that. She was not going to ruin her future with the man who picked up the shattered pieces of her heart just because he made a bad choice of poem and he was overzealous. He was right. Other women would kill for what she had.

"Why do you want to contact Logan, Casey?" If she wanted to keep her life stable, she had to take control.

He sighed as he turned around the bend. "It's about the company. You love me, right?"

"Of course, Casey."

"My parents ran the company down. I've done the numbers. We need one bestselling book. I have some good material submitted to me, and it's an unauthorized bio of Logan Echolls. I want him to see it. If we can make it an authorized one, then he's going to save our asses from filing for bankruptcy."

Veronica's eyes narrowed. "Why will Logan's biography be such a hit?"

He turned to Veronica, frowning. "Did I forget to tell you when I arrived?"

"Tell me what, Casey?"

"Logan's under investigation for the murder of Duncan Kane."

tbc


	5. Chapter 5

WARNING: This part is R. Contains violence and noncon sex. Skip if you can't read that. It's integral to the story.

Part 5

i_Veronica hurried into the café where Logan had asked her to stop by. Finally, after ignoring her for weeks Logan had contacted her. He was going to speak with her. Veronica could only hope that he had reconsidered his decision._

_Right before entering, Veronica looked at her reflection on the door and smoothed her hair back. Her gaze wondered to the inside of the café and she saw Logan staring at her from one of the booths. Veronica waved at him and he looked down at his coffee. She made her way inside._

_As she stopped beside his booth, Logan gestured to the seat in front of him. She slid inside and gave him a small smile._

"_I'm glad you finally decided to talk," Veronica began._

_Logan held up his hand for silence, then brought the cup to his lips to sip. When he placed it down Veronica followed with her eyes and she looked down to the dark liquid ring on the table. "I didn't want to just leave without saying goodbye."_

_Her gaze flew to his eyes and she frowned, then shook her head, confused. "What?"_

"_I'm leaving, Veronica."_

"_When?" she demanded, her voice rising._

_Logan looked up to see if people were watching. He turned back to her. "Lower your voice."_

"_No, Logan! When?"_

"_My bags are packed and in my car. I'm leaving the moment we're done here."_

_She let our her breath in disbelief. "They're still investigating Duncan's murder, Logan. If you leave now, they'll focus on you!"_

_He shook his head. "I'm a grieving best friend. I decided to forget. And you, I want you to move on with your life."_

"_Without you?" she breathed._

"_Veronica, we were a secret fling. You'll survive."_

"_A fling," she repeated. _

"_You shouldn't have put too much stock into it," Logan told her. "Right now, the best you can do is move on. You're seeing Casey Gant, aren't you?"_

_If possible, he had become even more unreadable. "Casey's my friend," she said softly. "He's helping me come to terms."_

_His voice sharpened. "Did you tell him anything?"_

_She shook her head. "No. But he can tell how much I need to be with someone right now."_

_Logan nodded. "Well I'm glad he's there to pick up the pieces."_

_Her eyes closed and she took deep calming breaths. Casey was helping her pick up the shattered pieces of herself, the ones Logan scattered when he made his decision. He wasn't Logan. He wasn't the one telling her that their relationship was nothing but a fling. "You're a liar, Logan," she said firmly._

_When she opened her eyes, the cup of coffee sat on the table with a couple of bills tucked underneath. Logan was gone._ /i

The moment Casey left, Veronica scrambled to her bedroom and turned on her computer. She had no idea if Logan was still using the same email address since he had not responded to any of the emails she had sent him. Still, having left her like the asshole that he had been or not, she owed him. She was going to owe him forever and she realized that the moment he took that knife from her hands and told her he would take care of it all.

"Logan," she wrote, "You have ignored me long enough. I've heard the news, disturbing and terrifying as it was. They're investigating you. If you get arrested, promise or not, the decision is no longer in your hands. I will step forward. You will not pay for a crime you didn't commit."

She sent the email with bated breath, hoping that this time, if he read the letter, he would respond.

Suddenly feeling very tired, Veronica crawled into bed. The entire day weighed heavily on her. Whatever happened to the days when Casey's return meant movies and carnivals and shopping and just loitering around? Now it was all too fast, all too suffocating, all too draining.

She had not felt this rushed or pressured in a relationship since she found out who had been sending her the letters.

i_"Can't you just let me be happy?" she demanded, the pile of letters in her hands. "Duncan, we've been over for such a long time. Please don't ruin this for us."_

_He glared at the correspondence she was holding. "I don't know what you're babbling about, Veronica. What – are you going to accuse me of some grand crime again?"_

"_Duncan, stop it! I know, ok? I've traced them all back to you. Even the emails I got. They all came from your IP address." She sighed and placed the letters down. "Listen to me. I won't trade what I have with Logan for anything in the world. Not even for what you and I used to have," she finished softly._

_He shook his head. "Sooner or later he's going to turn to you and say that it's over."_

"_He didn't do that with Lilly. What makes you think he'll do that with me?"_

_Duncan's lips curved. "Lilly was his first love. You know how powerful first love is, Veronica," he reminded her._

"_Oh I know. But you just negated yourself, Duncan. It's not first love that won't just turn around and stop. It happened to us remember?" Veronica turned to walk away._

"_You'll come back, Veronica. I swear you will."_

_She whirled around and stalked over to Duncan, jamming her finger into his chest. "I've not told Logan because I know he'll kick your ass. But believe me, Duncan, if you don't quit that, I am telling him that it's all you," she warned._

"_You think I'm afraid of Logan Echolls?" he cried in disbelief._

_Her eyes narrowed at him. "You should be. If you're not, then be afraid of me." Veronica walked over to the door and left._ /i

Veronica whimpered as she curled into herself on the bed. She sat up then pulled a blanket over herself. That had been the beginning. She should have been more aware. She should have seen it coming, should have noticed that something was wrong. Instead, she had been in blind rage and simply hung up on the idea of seeing Logan that she had let her guard down.

The knock on the door startled her. With an unsteady voice, she called, "Yes?"

"Veronica, Casey's on the phone for you?" came her dad's voice.

She sighed. He had left only ten minutes ago and by now, given the speed with which 09er boys drove and the short distance between her house and his, Casey would likely have just then parked in his own driveway. Veronica opened the door and saw her father holding the phone out. The mute button was lit. "Dad, can you tell him I'm asleep?" she requested.

Keith nodded and patted her cheek. "What's the matter, honey? You guys had a fight?"

She smiled and reassured her father, "No. I just really want to go to bed now."

Keith pushed the button to speak into the phone. "Sorry, Casey, she's already dead asleep. Do you want me to wake her up? All right then. Goodnight, son. I'll see you soon." He turned off the phone and faced Veronica. "Now honey, I know you said you're tired but I need to talk to you. I want you to learn it from me than anywhere else, which you will soon if we don't discuss it tonight."

Veronica read the somber look in her father's eyes and knew what he was pertaining to. She stepped to the side and let her father inside her room. Keith settled in one of the chairs. Veronica walked over to the bed and as she sat down, she stated, "You want to talk to me about Logan."

Keith seemed surprised about her assumption. He nodded. "Do you know where he is?" She shook her head. "Honey, my sources at the sheriff's office tell me they are reopening Duncan's case. Logan is one of their prime suspects."

"What evidence do they have?" was her first question.

"I don't know, honey. But if there was any possibility that Logan was linked to this murder then I know somehow they'd find a way to tie you in – whether as a suspect, an accessory or a witness."

"I don't know what you mean, dad," she said with a poker face.

"Veronica," Keith said gently, "sometimes I wonder if you forget that your dad told you all you know about being a PI. I know you and Logan were in a serious relationship when Duncan died. You were also not home." Keith grasped his daughter's hands. "I want to be prepared if they come after my daughter. Veronica, help me out."

She so wanted her father's help. But if she accepted it, Keith would become an accessory. She won't let that happen. In a strangled voice, she managed, "I can't do that, dad."

Keith nodded and stood up, brushing his pants back to smoothness. He closed the door behind him at his exit.

Veronica crawled back into bed and this time, she finally slid into a restless sleep.

i_"Logan?" she whispered into the phone, her heart pounding. "Logan, I need to see you. Where are you?" Veronica stopped the car in front of Logan's house. She slammed the door shut. "Okay. I'm going to wait inside your house."_

_Veronica looked around to make sure that no one would see her. She ran to door and let herself in with the key that Logan had given her. In the darkness she made her way to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. She took out a bottle of cold water and twisted off the cap. Veronica raised herself on tiptoes to reach into the cupboard for a glass._

"_And off you go running back to him."_

_Veronica gasped at the sound of the familiar voice. She dropped the glass and it hit the sink, shattering. Shards flew everywhere, into her clothes and on the floor. She whirled around and saw Duncan leaning against the island counter._

"_What are you doing here?" she demanded._

_His eyebrows rose. "So possessive," he murmured. "As if this was already your place, Veronica."_

_Veronica's eyes roved the place, assessing. He was in the way of the only exit. "Duncan, Logan's on his way back. I suggest you leave right now."_

_He stepped forward. "You already called him?" he asked. She nodded curtly. "Then you know how long it's going to take him, coming all the way from Meridian Point."_

_Veronica flushed with anger. Duncan was not going to control her actions just by outplaying her. She walked up to him, showing him that she was not afraid. "Get out of here, Duncan," she said firmly. _

"_No way," he breathed into her face. She stumbled back. It was so evident from his breath that he had been drinking, probably had been since she left his house hours ago. Duncan was completely drunk._

"_Ugh!" she cried. "You stink."_

_The words angered him. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her flush against his body. Veronica gasped as she tried to pull away but he held firm. "So you can take it when Logan's always drunk and pawing at you but not when it's your first love?"_

"_Go to hell, Duncan," she muttered. Veronica tried to pull her arms away again, but he would not budge._

_His grip tightened around her wrists. Duncan slammed them up high above her head until they hit the wall. "You haven't been playing fair, Veronica," he said huskily. He bent down to capture her lips, but found her cheek instead. His lips roamed over her face as he searched for hers. Veronica turned her face away. Using one hand to keep her wrists fastened above her head, Duncan buried the fingers of his free hand in her hair. He pulled back until her head slammed on the wall. Dazed, she was unable to turn away when his tongue plundered her mouth._

_Veronica felt the tears fill her eyes because of the pain and the helplessness. Regaining some control, she bucked her hips to throw him off her._

_Duncan's hand left her hair and gasped her buttocks, pressing her hips to his._

"_Stop it," she gasped out. Veronica panicked as firm hands pulled her down to the floor with him. "Duncan, stop!"_

_With the last of her strength, Veronica kicked at him until she hit him in his groin. She scrambled away, crawling towards the door. He groaned and cursed. Veronica screamed when she felt his hand wrap around her ankle. Veronica kicked her other foot at his face. He released her ankle and Veronica stumbled to her knees, then to her feet. Then a large hand covered her mouth. Veronica struggled. She pushed away._

_He grabbed her hair, bringing tears from the stinging pain as he pulled her towards him. "Duncan, let go!" she sobbed. She turned pleading eyes to him and her heart sank when she saw the dead look in his eyes. Her mind flew back to the numerous times Logan had joked in bed, saying that his best friend was off in the head. "Duncan, please don't."_

_His hands reached around her neck and he tightened them. Veronica gasped for breath, seeing spots of blank dance around her vision. Her knees faltered and she fell to the floor with Duncan looming above her._

"_Hold still," he soothed her._

_Veronica's heart pounded at the calm way he said the words while his hands were around her throat. She glanced at his bloody arms, where the shards of the broken glass had buried and rubbed raw. "Get off me!" she cried._

_Then he was frowning down at her, a red rage climbing up his neck. Veronica's heart thundered with fear as he raised his hand and backhanded her. Half-conscious, she tried to catch her breath as she felt his hands move from her neck to her skirt as she bunched it up around her hips. For a moment, his weight between her legs lifted and she tried to move. No sooner than she could twitch did she feel his bare hips pressing against her panties. "Don't," she whimpered. _

_She felt the tears roll down her cheeks, and it only made her remember how his teeth had cut into her lips and she had tasted the metallic bitter sweetness of her blood filling her mouth._

_His hands now grasped her by her calves as he moved her into position. Veronica struggled under his weight as he raised himself up. With one hand he ripped away her underwear, bruising her lips where the stitching would not budge. Again, he pulled until finally it ripped away._

"_Duncan, you love me, don't you?" she whispered._

_His face mottled and screwed. He slapped her hard across the face. Veronica saw the burst of stars in her eyelids. Her breasts were flattened between their bodies. There was no use pleading with him. She grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled. Duncan caught her wrists and tightened his hold, cutting off the flow of blood._

"_Logan!" she screamed. "Please help me," she sobbed.  
_

_The words incensed him more. He pulled apart her legs even wider, causing her to wince. He placed his lips right against her ear, licking, then murmured. "How long have you been screaming? He's not coming."_

_His hands groped for her breasts between their bodies and squeezed. Veronica felt the bite of pain in her scalp as he grabbed her hair, forcing her to look into his eyes. At that exact moment, she felt him tear inside her._

_Her mind barely registered him pumping inside her. She had stopped moving, and lay open to him. Duncan thrust inside her, uncaring that he ripped her, or that she had slipped into oblivion. All she felt before the blackness was a raw, ripping, burning tenderness._

_Minutes, maybe hours later, Veronica's eyelids fluttered open. Around her was darkness. She felt the heavy weight of Duncan's body weighing her down. She laid on her back on the cold floor and her thighs were still splayed wide around Duncan's bare hips. Bile rose in her throat. She turned her head and vomited on the floor, some of it dripping down her cheek because she could not move. The stench wafted to her nostrils and she struggled to sit up, trying to move Duncan off her. Trembling overcame her entire body. She pushed and pushed, but she would not move. Finally, she rolled him away from her. She raised her hand and stilled at the sight._

_Her bloody hand gripped the handle of one of Echolls' kitchen knives. She glanced down at her body. Her skirt was still hiked up around her waist, her inner thighs messy with remnants of Duncan's violence, mixed with her blood. She winced, blanking out memories of what happened to her body. Her blouse was stained with so much blood. Her eyes went wide open as she glanced at Duncan. She reached an uncontrollable hand as she tapped the prone body. "Duncan. Duncan."_

_Veronica swallowed and saw her torn panties on the floor. She crawled over to it and pushed it inside her pocket._

_Grasping the chair leg, she pulled herself tremulously onto her knees. Then, using the counter, she pulled herself up to her legs._

"_Nothing happened to me," she whispered. _

_She stumbled over to Duncan's form and stared down at it. Then she started screaming. Time was immeasurable. Soon she felt the knife being extracted from her hands. She looked up to see Logan's stormy brown eyes looking her over._

"_Shut up, Veronica," he said softly. Veronica's heart melted at the sight. She had screamed for him, called for him, prayed for him. Now here he was in front of her, however late. Ignoring the throbbing pain all over her body, Veronica threw herself at Logan. "I'm here. I'm here, Ronnie."_

"_Oh God, oh god!" she sobbed. "Logan, I've been calling for you."_

"_Shhh, it's alright. I'll take care of it."_ /i

People milled about at the launch party. When he could not contact Logan Echolls, Casey decided instead to launch the biography as unauthorized. It turned out to be more lucrative as the intrigue surrounding the Echolls son grew to a louder buzz.

Casey beamed proudly at the success of the event. He nodded at Veronica who was walking towards him. "I'm glad you came," he greeted.

Veronica smiled. "Well we're not yet completely ok. We have a lot of things to still talk about, Casey. Boundaries, expectations and limits. But this is your business and I still support you."

The emcee on the stage called for attention. Everyone clapped as the curtains closed in front of the band.

"Are they going to introduce the author now?" she whispered at Casey.

He glanced at her with a twinkle in his eye. "Just wait. It's a surprise."

Veronica clapped along with everyone.

"Now as you know, the person heading this event is one of the youngest publishers in the country." Veronica placed a supportive hand on Casey's back. The emcee continued, "And this new book is going to be another measure of his success. He has been receiving blessings left and right. Ladies and gentlemen, the CEO of Gant Publishing Inc, please welcome Casey Gant."

Veronica clapped and accepted the kiss that Casey gave her as the spotlight turned to them. Instead of directly walking to the stage, Casey grasped Veronica's hand and pulled her along with him.

Casey took the microphone. Veronica stepped back out of the spotlight as Casey spoke. "She's turning out to be shy, isn't she?" The audience laughed. Veronica shook his head. "She's got the idea that I'll be introducing the author of the book, which isn't completely wrong. I'll be doing that right after my own personal announcement."

Behind him, Veronica gasped. She had specifically said that they things to talk about. Certainly Casey would not do what she thought he would.

"Friends and colleagues, I want to take this moment to share with you one of the happiest events in my life," Casey said. "During a night of poetry, under the stars, Veronica Mars has agreed to marry me. Honey, come here."

Reluctantly, Veronica stepped into the spotlight amidst the applause of the audience. Casey grinned at her as he held her hand out, showing the expensive ring to the people below.

Finally the lights dimmed and Veronica could see those gathered around the stage. Her gaze wandered to the back of the room. Like magnet, her eyes were drawn to dark brown ones who intently studied her every move.

"Logan," she breathed as her eyes met his across the room.

Veronica made her way to the back of the room. As she neared, her footsteps slowed. He gaze her a curt nod to acknowledge her presence.

"You're here," she said.

Logan answered, "Your last email was a little threatening."

"I won't let you go down."

"They have nothing on me, Veronica," he assured her with a smile. "Besides, your fiance's making money out of the misery of my life. I might as well enjoy the free food."

There they stood, a few steps away from each other, looking, not speaking. Logan smiled, and so did she, as if they had no care in the world, as if they were two lost souls who had found their way back and no one would stand between them.

Casey walked over and stopped in front of Veronica. "There you are!"

"Casey," she said in surprise. She gestured over to Logan. "Look who's here."

tbc


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

i _"What are you afraid of, Veronica?" came the cool, collected voice of the woman sitting in the plush leather seat._

_Veronica would not have come, but weeks of nightmares sent her scurrying to the professional she had always deemed a quack. This time she understood why so many people sought their help. Lying on a leather couch, talking in a lifeless monotone was like going to a stoner party. She wanted to escape, but monsters rested under her bed, eager to dig their claws into her the moment she drifted off the sleep._

"_You know, the works," she offered, cursing Logan in her brain because heaven knows she may have handled this trauma better if he had not turned his back on her as some misguided hero complex dictated._

"_The works?" prompted the psychiatrist._

_Veronica glanced at the ticking clock. Just a few more minutes and this would be over. With every hour-long session her college fund trickled away. She hoped her father would not check her bank account, because then he would wonder and eventually find out. Keith Mars would never find out. "Monsters under the bed," she admitted._

"_Tell me about the monsters, Veronica. What do they look like?"_

_They looked like handsome teenage boys who wrote letters in the dark and took pictures from afar. "Ever see that animated movie?" she asked, not answering the question._

_With infinite patience, the doctor forged on, "What do the monsters do?"_

"_They climb out from under my bed and then onto it and they hold me down and I struggle, but they're too strong."_

_The hand scribbling notes on a pad stopped. The woman in the leather seat looked up at her patient and pushed up her glasses. "In these nightmares, Veronica, do you fight until you wake up?"_

_She wished she did. Veronica shook her head. "At the start I fought him and I screamed for someone to save me." Veronica released a heavy breath. "It's a stupid dream and I'll get over it. Can you give me pills that will give me a full night's sleep?"_

_The psychiatrist smiled a small smile that spoke volumes about Veronica's habitual request. "I told you, Veronica. I'm not here to hand out medication."_

_She should have really gotten another shrink._

"_Who were you calling for?"_

_Veronica froze. She had been trying to avoid the subject of the man who probably sent her to this couch more than Duncan ever did. "Someone to save me."_

"_Did he come?"_

"_It was another monster, a bigger one, so much more frightening," Veronica said. He had warm brown eyes and crisp brown hair, and he was tall with arms that she adored. "It came too late."_

"_You already gave up struggling with the first monsters, and the one you wanted to save you turned into a greater monster. I understand why you can't sleep," empathized the psychiatrist. "What did this monster do? Did it hurt you too?"_

"_No," Veronica rasped. "It left."_

_The psychiatrist studied the young woman on the couch. She had seen her once, a few weeks ago, in the grocery store when Veronica was not yet a patient. Bruises littered her cheek and neck. She was hard to forget, especially because Veronica had been crying in the frozen foods section. "Did he leave you afraid finding out you were attacked?"_

_Veronica flinched, then sat up on the couch. She glared at the psychiatrist. "What did you say?"_

"_Your problem will be resolved once you accept it, Veronica. Don't create monsters in your head and face reality."_

"_Are we done here?" Veronica said with a steely voice._

"_Veronica, we've not moved forward since we started. It's time you take another step," the psychiatrist advised. "Be honest and I swear to you I'll help you."_

_Veronica's heart slammed in her throat. "I just want your help with the nightmares. Make them stop. You don't have the permission to traipse around another part of my life." Her chest constricted yet at the same time she had a breath of relief that finally someone recognized the pain she had convinced herself to forget._

"_Veronica, you admitted it yourself. You wanted him to save you and you trusted him enough that when he didn't come, you gave up."_

_She had not cried in front of anyone after Logan pushed her away that night. This time, tears rose in her eyes. "Maybe I wanted him to wrap his arms around me. I needed to know I wasn't being rejected." She swallowed the tears. No one would ever see Veronica Mars break down again. "I need someone to be with me while I'm trying to go back to who I was before this happened. I will not be the bitter, cynical person I can be when I thought this first happened to me."_

"_Have you talked to him about it?"_

"_If I did, would I be here?" Veronica glanced at the clock and turned back to the psychiatrist. "Beep beep," she said coldly. "Time's up, doc."_

"_I'll see you in two days, Veronica."_

_Veronica stood up and grabbed her bag, then slung it over her shoulder. She opened the door and walked out of the office. She turned at the corridor and slammed straight into someone's chest. Winded, she was thrown back and was saved from falling on her ass by a firm arm around her waist. Instantly, she pushed away from the man._

"_Veronica Mars?"_

_She blinked up at the person she collided with. Veronica found herself looking up at Casey Gant's smiling eyes. "Casey! I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."_

"_That much was obvious. What are you doing here?"_

_Veronica glanced back and saw that her psychiatrist's office was the only one at this side of the floor. She smirked and told him, "I won't tell you and you don't have to tell me why you're here either."_

_He stuck out his hand and said, "It's a deal." Veronica took his hand and shook it. Casey looked down at his watch. "Italian?"_

"_You know the best pickup lines!" she responded. _

"_Listen to the next one," he said. "I brought my Jag along."_

_Veronica shrugged. "I liked your first line better."_

_The first time Veronica Mars laughed after the night Duncan died, and that was how she would rather remember it, Casey Gant had dumped the entire jar of parmesan cheese into the olive oil that needed just a sprinkle. She would learn afterwards that the little accident would encapsulate Casey's entire personality. He always gave more than he promised, more than she needed, sometimes more than she wanted. Casey loved her when the two people who had promised her the same had been taken away._

_Duncan's love had turned into warped obsession. Logan's love had been twisted into the reason she could not touch him again._

_Casey, on the other hand, would give and would give and would never be exhausted._ /i

"Logan," Casey greeted as he turned around and offered his hand. "This is a surprise."

Logan looked down at Casey's hand and then met Veronica's eyes. Without shaking Casey's hand, he responded, "It should be. You didn't invite me to a launch of my own biography."

Casey shook his head. "I wanted to. Nobody knew how to contact you." He placed his arm over Veronica's shoulders. "But I'm glad at least you made it."

"Have you read it yet?" Veronica asked. "Let me go and get you a copy." She stepped forward and out of Casey's arm.

Logan watched the movement with hooded eyes. "If you'll excuse us, Casey? I'd like to see how dramatic my life is portrayed in this one." He fell into step beside Veronica, leaving Casey standing there as some of the marketing people converged around him, tittering and asking why they were not informed that Logan was coming, because they could have had better promotion if they knew about his presence ahead.

Veronica smiled and nodded as she passed by some of Casey's guests. She looked around for the table that had the pile of books. "There," she told Logan. "We can get you a copy from there."

Before she turned, he grabbed her elbow. She turned to frown at him. Logan shook his head. "I don't care what the fuck that book says about me."

"Then why did you come at all?" she hissed.

Logan's brows knitted. "All this time I thought you didn't want us to break up, now you're asking why I'm here. What—did you think you can get engaged and tie the knot with Casey Gant without the complication of me?"

"I cannot believe you!" she gasped. "Why are you on the attack?"

His hand around her elbow tightened. Logan pulled her towards the French doors that led to the balcony. Veronica glanced towards Casey and saw him still busy speaking with the promoters. Closing the doors behind them, Logan released Veronica. "Do you have any idea how it feels to step inside a room and then see you up there on the stage with Casey Gant while he announces your engagement?"

Her eyes narrowed. She stalked over to him and pushed him on the chest, hard. Logan did not stumble. "Where do you go off saying that?" she cried in disbelief. "Don't you remember how you left me, Logan? Have you conveniently forgotten how you turned me into a pathetic and desperate mess when you turned me away?"

"I remember that I did everything I could to make sure you will still have a life to live," Logan answered.

Veronica shook her head, then turned her back on him. She walked over to the edge of the balcony, looking out into the night horizon. She took a few calming breaths. "You made sure I wasn't ever going to be complete again," she said coldly.

"What are you talking about?"

She whirled around, and seeing the look in her eyes made him stumble back the way her push did not. "You told me what we had was a fling!"

"You didn't want to let me go," he whispered. "I said what I said for your benefit. You were already with Casey at that time. God, Veronica, do you know how painful it was to realize that after all I did for you, you moved on to him so fast?"

Veronica frowned. "I wasn't with Casey until a few months after you left."

Logan stiffened, then looked back at the party. He took a deep breath, then released it slowly. He turned back to Veronica. "Are you happy now, Veronica?"

"He loves me more than you did," was her simple answer.

Logan flinched, and turned away so she would not see the effect her words had on him. "That wouldn't be too difficult of a feat, would it?" He was about to leave when he felt a hard pack hit him on the back of his head. Logan whirled around and looked down at his feet where he saw her handbag on the floor. He picked it up and glared at her. "What the hell, Veronica?"

"You asshole!" she muttered. Veronica walked up to him and tried to snatch the purse out of his hands.

Logan gripped the purse tighter and pulled bag, causing her to tumble towards him. He wrapped his arm around her back and held her nape with his free hand. "God, I missed you," he rasped. Then, Logan leaned down to take her lips, plunging his tongue into her mouth, tasting the cream and the wine that she had already had before he arrived.

She closed her eyes and returned the kiss with the hurt, anger and longing she had bottled inside her since that night. Afterwards, they were left breathless and Logan rested his forehead against hers.

Veronica gasped as she tried to catch her breath. Then she stepped backwards. Logan smiled tenderly at her. She lifted her arm as if to reach for him. Then she slapped him.

Logan thundered, "You're insane!"

"So are you!" Veronica screamed back. "How dare you ignore me all this time, tell me the relationship I invested so much into was a fling, leave me, then traipse back into my life, become angry that I moved on with a great guy, then kiss me as if you're just taking back what you deserve." He watched how the flush climbed up from her neck to her cheeks. "It's not that easy, Logan. You left me."

The French doors slid open and the two of them turned to see Casey smiling at them with two flutes of champagne in his hands. "There you are," Casey said. He walked over to Veronica and kissed her cheek, then handed her one. He turned to Logan. "I would've gotten you one but I had only two hands," he said.

"That's fine, Casey. I stopped drinking."

Veronica gave a loud snort. Both Casey and Logan looked at her but she merely shrugged.

"You look flushed." Casey commented. "Is it that hot?"

"She's bothered," Logan offered. "Or maybe she's just radiating the glow of being newly engaged."

"Have you seen my ring?" Veronica challenged. She lifted her hand and presented it to Logan. "You wouldn't have thought of getting something this wonderful."

Logan took her hand in his as he inspected the ring. Veronica felt the temperature of his hand warming hers. "You're right," he said. "This is too big for your finger. I wouldn't have gotten this one."

Casey smiled and pulled Veronica back against his side. "I spare no expense for my bride."

"I would've bought a blue diamond a little smaller than that rock, then have smaller amethysts embedded on all four sides. I'd probably choose a platinum band to hold it," Logan told them. "And then the wedding rings would have been platinum bands with small amethysts lining it."

"That's an infinity ring," she breathed.

Logan nodded. "Of course I didn't spend too long just mulling over it."

Veronica swallowed, because the look in his eyes was the same one he had when he told her that he would marry her anywhere, anytime, back when they were innocent, when there was no violence or murder between them.

"Casey, I want to go home," she said softly.

Casey looked down at her and brushed his thumb against her chin. "You look like you need to rest," he agreed. "Is your dad home?"

Logan watched as Veronica shivered. "No," she answered. "I told him I'd stay over at your place. Think it's going to be okay with your mom?"

"It'll be fine," he told her. Casey turned to Logan. "Excuse us?"

Casey led Veronica back into the party and then out to his car. He drove them back to the Gant mansion. When Casey led Veronica into the house, Veronica saw Mrs Gant standing at the foot of the staircase. Her eyes fell to Mrs Gant's bandaged hand.

"Mom, Veronica's staying over," Casey said.

Mrs Gant nodded and walked towards Veronica. She wrapped Veronica in a warm embrace. "I've fixed the guest room for you," Mrs Gant said.

Veronica pulled away uncomfortably. "Thank you, Mrs Gant. You shouldn't have."

Casey kissed his mother's cheek as Veronica watched. Mrs Gant's emotional response as she teared up when her son thanked her puzzled Veronica. Mrs Gant made her way up the stairs to go to her bedroom.

"Casey," Veronica said as she went into his arms again, "I wanted to spend the night with you, not in some guest room."

He shook his head. "Veronica, don't you remember? i_That moment she was mine, mine, fair. Perfectly pure and good/i._ We're not doing it until we're married."

She closed her eyes and tried not to show her reaction when he quoted from that horrendous poem again. Veronica sighed. "Then you should've taken me back to my house."

They climbed the stairs. Casey leaned down to place a kiss on her collarbone. "I wish you appreciated everything I did for you."

"Oh Casey!" Veronica exclaimed. "I do. I really do."

He nodded and walked her towards the room she was to sleep in. "Clothes are right there. Don't worry. I didn't take anything from your place. Those are my boxers and my old shirt."

"Thanks, Case."

He kissed her on the forehead and whispered his good night. After he left, Veronica changed into the clothes he provided and washed her face. She walked over to the window and saw a familiar SUV parked across the house.

Veronica threw herself on the bed and pulled the blankets over her body. She closed her eyes. After several minutes, Veronica groaned, threw the blankets off and trod over to the window again. It was still there.

Veronica walked over to the door and pulled it open, glancing left and right to check if Casey was there. She made her way down the stairs and pulled open the door. Veronica tiptoed outside to check if she could see Logan inside the car.

There was no figure inside, so she decided to just make her way back inside. She turned around and squealed when she saw Logan sitting on the grass beside the door. Veronica bent down and shook his shoulder.

Logan looked up and saw her. His eyes took her in from head to foot.

Veronica suddenly felt bare. She remembered the clothes she wore.

Logan stood up and walked away. Veronica watched sadly as he slowly wandered back to his SUV, climbed in and drove away.

A few minutes later she was still there. When she turned around, she gasped at the sight of Mrs Gant watching her. Veronica swallowed and passed by her as she climbed up the stairs.

"If you love someone else, then leave, Veronica."

"What did you see?" Veronica demanded.

Mrs Gant shook her head and climbed down, then made her way to the kitchen. Veronica looked up and saw Casey at the top step. She climbed up the stairs.

tbc


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

He had once thought that all the cheesy romantic teenage dramas that he was forced to sit through by the girls he had dated long ago were overly dramatic and exaggerated. There were always these episodes in which a character would spend the entire night sitting on a bus stop, a 24-hour diner or the beach—to ponder life's inexplicable complications. It was a stupid idea, yet Logan found himself cold and stiff from sitting too long, watching the sun rise from his position on the sand.

Logan did not really know why it should bother him so much. He had made a decision long ago, and he was going to live with it. It was his choice and not Veronica's. His brain searched for logic that he could not provide. All his mind could come up at that hour without any food or coffee in him was the image of Veronica Mars standing outside the Gant home in a shirt that Logan had once seen Casey sweat in during a basketball game.

i_Logan smirked at the sight of a bare bottom peeking from under his sweater as Veronica rummaged inside the refrigerator. He walked up to her and placed his hands on her hips. Veronica turned her head to him and smiled. "Good morning, sleepyhead," she greeted._

"_What a lovely sight to wake up to," he chirped, then bent to kiss her. She eagerly accepted the kiss, but pulled back before the kiss become too intense. Logan frowned, "What's wrong, sugarpuss? Too tired from last night."_

_Veronica grinned and pushed him off gently. Logan saw the blush that spread through her cheeks. "You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?" she taunted. "But I can't be late. My dad's out of town and he would kill me if he found out."_

"_Wow," he murmured, leaning down to bury his lips in the crook of her neck, "it's been so long since I've seen the teacher's pet Veronica Mars that can do no wrong. I thought the butch girl got rid of you completely."_

_She narrowed her eyes and kicked the refrigerator door shut. "Shut up," she said with a grin. "I was so not a teacher's pet."_

"_I saw your report cards. Veronica Mars was such a joy to have in class," he mimicked. "You were a kissass."_

_Veronica laughed, unable to deny the words. She had reveled in those comments long ago. "Well now I've turned into a rebel," she told him, "kissing boys headed to detention inside the girls' bathroom." _

"_Oh yeah," Logan agreed._

"_But," she told him as she walked away from him, hips swaying and tantalizing him with glimpses to her ass-cheeks below his shirt, "I still can't be late. Van Clemmons doesn't scare me but Keith Mars does."_

"_Good point," he murmured as he watched her hips. Damn, she was sexy in his clothes. Logan could not wait to see her each morning, stretching beside the bed and shrugging into his shirts._ /i

He stood up and brushed the sand off his pants. Logan stretched his arms above his head and groaned aloud. A commotion from behind him caught his attention. Yawning, he turned around and saw a large white van. He glimpsed a sight of Meg Manning, Duncan's ex-girlfriend, lugging a large arrangement of white flowers. Next to her stood someone familiar but never really interacted with throughout high school. Veronica had mentioned the young woman's name several times. Logan remembered her as the weird computer geek with a streak of blue hair that had later in the school year turned to ash.

"Mac, make sure the groom doesn't see the bride before the ceremony," he heard Meg remind the other woman.

Curious, he walked up to the cemented steps that led down to the beach. Meg passed by him with no incident, perhaps because she had not seen him with the flowers in her face and mostly because there was no reason for Meg Manning to be on the lookout for a man who had been MIA for so long.

He followed Meg with his eyes and saw the white chairs lined up on a carpet laid out on the sand. A white-flowered arcf was erected close to the water, with white pews lined on either side of a petal-covered aisle. Despite the flurry of activity obviously going on, with men and women in service uniforms making last minute preparations, Logan felt peace like a traitor creeping up from his toes and fingertips.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Logan turned to the woman who had stopped beside him. "Mac," he said.

"I'd be flattered that you know my name but I'm guessing you heard someone say it. I'm not deluded enough to think the great Logan Echolls knows me by nickname," she told him. She nodded towards the wedding venue. "Package A – Beach Wedding at Sunrise. Veronica's own concept. Not our most expensive venue selection but the closest to her heart," Mac rattled the information. She then looked at Logan sideways. "Move."

His forehead creased. "What?"

She gestured with her hand, and Logan stepped to his side. Four men passed by them. The last turned to Mac and asked, "Have you heard from Jenny?"

Mac nodded and smiled encouragingly. "Jenny's on her way with her mom and dad," she informed him. "Go ahead and wait down there. Meg will run you through where to stand and when to turn." The man that Logan supposed was the groom released a sigh of relief and proceeded to the arch with his companions, who then proceeded to slap him on the back. Mac looked down at her watch. "Where the hell is Veronica Mars? She's supposed to be handling jittery brides and grooms."

"Casey probably kept her up late last night," he answered bitterly.

Mac sighed. She jerked her head towards the wedding venue so that Logan would start walking along with her. "What are you doing back here, Logan?" She had picked up the shattered pieces of her best friend too many times whenever Veronica's relationship with Casey was threatened by reasons Veronica claimed she could not name.

Veronica had always been closemouthed when it came to her personal affairs. Mac would have known nothing if she had not glanced up from her laptop at an inopportune time and witnessed a charged gaze between Veronica Mars, seated in a booth with Casey, and Logan Echolls, seated in the bar. Not too long after that, Logan Echolls left town and Veronica Mars walked around in a daze.

They walked towards Meg Manning, who had seen them and cocked her head to the side. Mac could tell that Meg had not yet recognized who walked beside her.

"Meg, can I take five?" she called to her friend.

Meg's eyes widened as the light hit Logan square in the face. "Welcome back, Logan," Meg said. "Sure, Mac. Just don't take longer. We're about to start."

Mac waited for Logan's answer, and simply remained quiet as they faced the water darkening the sand.

"I came back to retrieve something I left," he responded vaguely, hoping the answer would discourage her from asking any more.

Mac nodded. "How long has it been since you left, Logan? Three years?" She glanced back to where some of the guests have begun filling the seats. Veronica still had not arrived. "By now whatever it is should be buried deep in the sand. You won't be able to get it back." She finally turned around to help. "For all it's worth, good luck."

Logan turned around as well to greet Meg as well. He had been friends with Meg too, if the daily lunches during which they ate on the same table counted as friendship. He froze when he saw Casey talking to Meg by the arch.

Meg nodded, her eyes shining with concern. Casey squeezed Meg's arm before turning to leave. He must have caught sight of Logan and Mac because Casey held Logan's gaze before walking away in the direction of the cemented steps leading to the road.

Meg hurried over to the two as she informed her business partner, "Veronica's come down with something. It's just to the two of us for this one."

"Veronica never misses her clients' wedding even if she's burning up," Mac said.

Logan smirked. She did not need to pretend that she was sick just so she could avoid him. It did not make sense though. How could she have known that he was here? He wished the two luck on the wedding and walked towards the same direction Casey had headed. He had parked the car on the road and he hoped it had not yet been towed.

Logan climbed up the cemented steps when a blur of blue caught his eye. He glanced down and saw Casey Gant standing on the sand, staring at one point at his feet. He looked deep in thought. Logan swallowed deeply to fight the chill that stole his bones at the sight which would have been nothing had Casey not been looking down at the exact same spot where Logan had found himself frozen long ago in a night that, if you asked him, had never happened.

i_ "Shut up!" he spat. "I'll take care of it, but I want you to go home and never ever tell anyone about being here tonight."_

_She moved away, with every step her heart sank at the thought their future was going down the drain._

"_Wait," he said. Veronica's breath caught. He had changed his mind. Please, let him have changed his mind. "Take off those clothes," he told her. "I'll burn them. You can wear the dress you left last night. I'll pack up anything you may have left behind. Expect an unmarked box at your doorstep in the morning."_

"_Logan, I don't want this."_

_He shook his head. "We don't have a choice."_

_She stumbled towards the stairs, towards his bedroom where he knew she would sob the entire time she changed into the dress that was not soaked in her ex-boyfriend's blood. Logan knelt down beside Duncan's body and saw the unmistakable signs of Veronica's attack that he burned from his memory. He gripped the knife that killed Duncan, because he choked with the desire to bury the weapon over and over until his best friend would be unrecognizable and barely human in appearance, enough payback for the story told by Duncan's pants unbuttoned, bunched right above his knees. He knew the blood on Duncan's body was not just his._

_Ashen and trembling, Veronica waited until Logan looked up. He walked up to her and hissed, "What did he do?"_

_She shook her head, tears dropping from her eyes like a torrent of rain._

_She had said it in the hysteria that made her honest the first time she saw him. She had called for Logan but he did not come. He had promised to take care of her, and he had done a fine job of it._

"_I'll fix it," he swore. "Go home."_

_Logan had dragged Duncan's body across the Echolls shiny floor, smearing the blood across the kitchen. He stood up and caught a glimpse of Veronica stumbling towards her car, fumbling with her keys and trying several times before she could open the door. He looked down at Duncan's body._

_He made a decision that night that in hindsight Logan knew was stupid and irrational. He had left the body on the kitchen floor, a crime scene left open for any intruder. Then, Logan drove behind his girlfriend's car until he saw her let herself into her house._

_When Logan returned to the shadowed house he had left, nothing was ever the same, and he knew that he would forever be watching his back. His kitchen floor was spotless and empty. Duncan was gone and the murder weapon was nowhere in sight._

_Lost and terrified, Logan raced back towards Veronica's house. When he passed by Dog Beach, a patch of white on the sand made him stop. Logan ran towards the prone body on the sand and he stood frozen as he assessed the fresh clothes that Duncan was in._

_His heart in his throat, Logan backed away and sped back to his house, where he sat on the bed and stared out the window, waiting until the sun shone and the radio and television exploded with the news._

_Duncan Kane's body was found on the beach. No murder weapon. No witnesses. No one and everyone was a suspect. /i_

She woke up with the sun dancing on her eyelids. Veronica stretched on the bed and yawned. She gasped when she saw the digital clock on the sidetable. It was Jenny and Mark's wedding date. She sat up and stumbled out of the bed, then looked for her clothes. They were nowhere in sight.

Veronica's eyes narrowed. Even before they arrived at the party, she had told Casey that today was the wedding and she needed to be there. She growled low in her throat then stomped over to the door. Casey was going to hear from her.

She threw open the door and stumbled back in surprise. "Mrs Gant," she gasped.

The older woman's sad eyes assessed her from head to foot. "Get out while you can," she advised.

Veronica walked out of the room, passing beside her. She walked over to Casey's room and rapped on the door. When there was no answer, Veronica rapped again. "Casey!" she yelled.

Veronica turned her head and saw Casey's mom watching her mutely.

"Where is he?" Veronica asked with quiet intensity.

"He's not home."

"Mrs Gant, do you know where my clothes are?"

The older woman shrugged. "Only Casey knows everything in this house."

Veronica tightened her jaw and opened the door. Then she proceeded to throw open the closet doors and root around for her clothes. She pushed at the hangers in search of her own things and found nothing. Veronica rifled through the folded sweaters and vests. She did not find her clothes there. Veronica pulled open the drawers and rooted through the socks. With every item of clothing that fell to the floor, her anger intensified.

Veronica dropped down to her knees and looked down under the bed. She smirked in triumph. She doubted that it contained her clothes, but discovering the box gave her the satisfaction of having something to hold over Casey's head. He had all the aces and now she had one. She reached out and crawled towards the box hidden under the bed. It was still out of reach. Veronica held her breath and squeezed underneath. When she finally had a good grip on it, she started shimmying back out.

Veronica took the cover off and upended the box, spilling the contents onto the floor and all over her lap.

Her eyes widened in shock at what she saw. Familiar colored and scented envelopes, addressed with Duncan's handwriting, and photographs of herself taken without her knowledge. Suddenly she could not breathe. Veronica's hand wrapped around her throat. She felt her pulse beating rapidly.

She felt goosebumps all over her arms. Veronica pushed the letters and envelopes away from her skin, afraid that they would burn holes through her clothes and poison her. Bile gathered in her throat. She tried to stand up. Veronica raised herself up on her knees, much like she had been able to that night, but the tremors racking her made it difficult to stand. Finally, grabbing onto the bed and the table, then the walls, Veronica made it out of Casey's room and she stumbled towards the bathroom. She threw open the toilet seat cover and fell to her knees. Pain shot up when her skin hit to cold tile. Veronica heaved dryly into the toilet bowl.

_i"I wish you appreciated everything I did for you."/i _

Veronica collapsed back onto the tile walls, too weak to stand. Suddenly she realized how very little she knew about the man she was going to marry.

She closed her eyes, wanting desperately to get out of the house but having no strength to move. Veronica felt someone touch her shoulder. She flinched, afraid it was going to be Casey. She did not want to see him unprepared about what she would say.

Veronica felt something cold and hard touch her fists. She opened her eyes blearily and saw the cordless phone being pressed against her hands. Veronica looked sideways and saw Mrs Gant leaning down towards her.

Tearfully, she took the phone in her hands and slowly pressed the numbers that she had memorized. When her world came crashing down the way it did now, there was no question about who she would always go to.

"Casey," was the cold answer on the other line. "What do you want?"

She sniffled, then saw a mixture of warmth and fear in Mrs Gant's eyes. "Logan," she whispered. "Logan, please pick me up."

tbc

You may view my personal archive of fics at http/catheryne. 


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

When Logan Echolls' car slowed in front of the Gant residence, he immediately spied Veronica sitting on the step right outside the door, looking very similar to the way he looked before the sight of her obviously taken by another man sent him scurrying away from the sharp pain.

Her head rested on the folded arms that she placed on her knees. She must have noticed his headlights. Veronica looked up and waited until the vehicle stopped in front of her. Behind her the door opened and Logan held his breath, afraid that it was Casey Gant come to apologize for the fight they likely had and ask her to stay. He had no desire to witness Veronica and Casey make up in front of his eyes. It turned out to be Mrs Gant. She handed the purse he recognized as the one that Veronica had thrown at him the night before. Veronica stood, accepted the purse and awkwardly bent to hug the older woman. Then she came running towards Logan.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Logan nodded curtly. "Don't mention it." He waited for her to climb inside before rolling his windows up. He checked the rearview and side mirrors, then started the car again. "Your place?" he prompted. Logan leaned over to snap the seatbelt on her.

Veronica looked down at the belt that secured her to her seat. She shook her head. "I don't want my dad to see me like this," came the soft whisper.

Logan turned his head and assessed her. She was as always a picture come alive. He saw her shiver. She brushed her hair back to tuck it under her ear and Logan noticed the tremor of her fingers. Slowly, as he took in the fidgeting motion of her knee, he recognized what it was that she did not want Keith Mars to see.

"I'll take you to my place," he decided.

Veronica shuddered. Her gaze slammed with his. There were many things they did not talk about, but they remained real nevertheless. "Logan—"

"I'm in a hotel right now," he assured her. "The house has been empty for too long. It wasn't ready."

She gave him the briefest smile, then nodded. "Okay." Veronica took a calming breath and closed her eyes. She laid her head back on the seat. Her hand gripped the seatbelt, then twisted it around her fingers, pulling to loosen it. "I'm sorry I hit you with my purse," she mumbled. "You make me so mad sometimes."

"I piss myself off most of the time too," he confessed. "I can relate."

He wanted to ask her why she called him, after what transpired between them. He needed to know why she left the house she would most likely live in. Instead, Logan just stared at the play of lights on her face when they were at a traffic stoplight.

She did not open her eyes. "I can almost hear your brain working on overdrive," Veronica said. "You have to know… And even if you didn't, by now you should have gotten the clue, Logan. No matter what happened and how many times I would have done voodoo on you if I could, you're still one of the three people I trust in the world."

Logan could not believe his ears. He was enraptured by how much he could take from her while her eyes were closed, only by listening to her voice. To others, the statement was said so matter-of-factly that no emotion could be squeezed out of it. To him, Veronica told so much in the way she said the words.

"My dad, Wallace and you."

He had expected his name, but when the reality dropped from he r lips, Logan's heart clenched. Even her mother and Casey did not make the list.

Her eyes slowly opened. Logan recognized the sadness. Piercing as it was, he turned his attention back to the road as he drove towards the hotel. "It's over, Logan," she said. "I can't go back to Casey." As she said the words, Veronica felt a gaping hole at the loss.

"I thought you were happy."

"I'm done pretending," she rasped. Logan glanced down and saw the belt now wrapped around her wrist. "I can't stay with him anymore."

"I won't deny it, Ronnie," Logan said. "I want you back. That's why I'm here. But I didn't want to destroy what you have with Casey."

"You think this is about you?" she asked. "Casey has surveillance photos of me. And I found some of Duncan's old letters under his bed. He's been lying to me all along! God, I'm so stupid!" Frustrated, Veronica pulled at the seatbelt again. "God, Logan, did you have to make this so tight!" Frantically, Veronica fumbled with the latch and pressed over and over. "This is broken."

Logan leaned over her with concern. He reached out towards it.

"Don't!" Veronica snapped. "You'll just make it tighter and then it's going to be harder to take off."

"Veronica, it's okay," he said soothingly.

An angry red rush climbed up her neck. "Logan, it's broken," she gasped.

He watched as her trembling hands unsuccessfully pulled and struggled with the latch of the seatbelt. "Veronica, it's okay. I'll take it off." Logan stopped the vehicle. She swallowed. He could see her pulse beating strong in her throat. He caught her hands. "Veronica, it's okay." He gingerly reached for the seatbelt and unlocked it, freeing her.

Veronica reared up from the seat. "Oh God," she mumbled.

"Veronica?" Logan prompted in confusion.

She glanced towards him. "I'm sorry. It's just… for a moment there, I thought—"

His eyes were sad as memories of the night of the murder returned, and he remembered that conclusion that he had tried to deny, because it reminded him he had fucked up so badly then. "You never have to be afraid when you're with me. I'd never hurt you, Veronica."

"Except you did," she said.

Veronica knew it was time to see the shrink again. The last time she had felt tied, out of control and helpless like that, it was after Duncan had raped her and Logan had taken the decision about their lives out of her hands and walked away from her. Casey had helped her find herself again, and she had been to grateful she gave him so much power over her. Now she found out that he had been holding something over her head the entire time. And stupidly enough of her, she had allowed him to rule her life and gave him permission to do what Duncan and Logan had done. Veronica had thoughtlessly surrendered what she had wanted to take back.

Logan's jaw tightened. He turned to the windshield and then looked down at the gear. He then started the car again and began to drive.

Neither said anything during the trip. They arrived at the hotel and Logan parked the vehicle in the designated space, then walked with her to the parking elevator. They stopped at his floor and he unlocked the room, then let her in.

"Take a seat. The minibar's still full. Knock yourself out," he said coldly. "I'll be in the bathroom. When I get out, I'll call the front desk and request for another room for you."

Veronica watched his retreating back with a sinking heart.

The door of the bathroom closed behind him. Veronica walked over to the couch and settled down. Restless, she stood up and looked at the desk, then ran her fingers through the complimentary stationery and Bible. She looked around the room and was quickly bored. It was plain and common. Hotel rooms tended to be like that. She wandered over to the bedroom and stopped on the doorway.

On the table beside the bed a picture frame stood, and she recognized the photograph because a copy of it still laid hidden at the bottom of her underwear drawer. It was a picture they had had taken during one of their forays into neighboring cities, the dates she loved because they were exciting and sweet, the days she dreaded because she was always scared someone who knew them would spot them. She had been sitting on Logan's lap as he pushed himself on the swing. They were both laughing, and the shot had caught them midswing.

She walked over to the frame and picked it up. Veronica placed her purse on the table, then returned her attention to the picture. He kept it as well. Despite everything he had pretended to be, he had kept beside his bed something that would remind him of her. A small smile teased her lips.

Could something so complicated be so simple?

Her hands flew over the table as if drawn by magnet. She slipped one hand down and gripped the handle of the drawer. Veronica pulled the drawer open. It was empty save for three rings at the bottom.

_i "I would've bought a blue diamond ,\a little smaller than that rock, then have smaller amethysts embedded on all four sides. I'd probably choose a platinum band to hold it," Logan told them. "And then the wedding rings would have been platinum bands with small amethysts lining it."/i_

Right beside each other were two rings that had the same infinity design, one smaller than the other. The platinum shone while the amethysts gave it dull elegance. She picked up the one ring unique from the other two. He had been right. The size of the diamond could not compare to the one she wore on her finger then. The blue shade winked at her and Veronica adored the small amethysts that cradled the diamond.

The realization of all that she had lost that night weighed heavily on her heart.

"I've been asking myself how on earth Casey Gant could have been so stupid that he didn't hide all that properly if he kept it all these years," Logan drawled. Veronica jumped up and whirled around, still clutching the engagement ring. She flushed at being caught red-handed. A shirtless Logan watched her with half-hooded eyes, a white hotel towel slung on his shoulder. "But no secret's sake with you, Veronica."

Blinking away the tears that gathered in her eyes, she asked, "Did you take this out today?"

He nodded slowly. "I had to see if they looked the same as I remembered."

"They do," Veronica whispered.

Logan just held her gaze, showing no reaction. With the engagement ring hooked on her pointer finger, Veronica flew towards him and looped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to pepper his face with kisses. His hand reached up with a will of his own, cupping her nape as he held her steady so his lips could capture hers. Her eyes fluttered closed as she drank in the kiss she had been dying to taste again since the brief passionate one they had shared at the book launch.

For the first time in a long time, closing her eyes did not bring visions of a horrid past filled with force and pain and blood and fear, closing her eyes did not remind her of regrettable lost dreams of a wedding and babies with warm puppy brown eyes and soft brown hair. For the first time in a long time, closing her eyes meant only to Veronica getting lost in sensations and the moment.

There was no Duncan, who had been long cold in his grave after a night she would rather have forgotten—the same Duncan she had trusted for far too long before he stole her faith away.

There was no Casey, whom she loved for all he had given her while she was adrift in her own grief—the same Casey she had agreed to marry because it seemed irrational not to do so, after he had been her ballast to the earth.

There was only Logan. God, there was only Logan Echolls in that kiss. Only Logan's scent that permeated her senses, only Logan's breath that warmed her skin, only Logan's body that burned her fingertips. Belatedly she realized how her fingers now laid on his cold bare chest.

Veronica sucked in a deep balancing breath.

God, there was only Logan Echolls in her world.

Veronica pulled away briefly and stared at his lips in wonder. She was mesmerized by the glistening moisture on the red skin. She stood on tiptoes and teased his lower lip with her tongue. Veronica felt him tremble under her hands. Empowered, she bit on the skin she had licked.

Then Logan's hands grasped her waist. He pulled her to him firmly and then his tongue was in her mouth, exploring, thrusting. Her head fell back and she opened her mouth to him, dueling with her own tongue as he mimicked the movement of their bodies that he had yearned for too long. The hands around her waist tightened. As he pressed her against him, her hands on his chest were crushed. Her hands curled into fists as she felt the stirring within her belly, pooling between her thighs. Veronica murmured in her throat.

And then it was beyond her control—the craving, the movement, the reaction.

i_ He grabbed her wrists and pulled her flush against his body. Veronica gasped as she tried to pull away but he held firm./i_

"Logan," she gasped when she pulled away from the kiss.

He took the chance to bury his lips in her neck. She made a mewling sounds, then tried to pull her arms from I between them. When she succeeded, she grasped at his hair. Logan moaned at the sensation of her hands on his scalp.

He stepped forward, taking her with him. She felt the bed behind her knees. He cupped her ass, grinding his groin against her stomach. Veronica held her breath.

_iDuncan's hand left her hair and gasped her buttocks, pressing her hips to his._

"_Stop it," she gasped out. Veronica panicked as firm hands pulled her down to the floor with him. "Duncan, stop!"/i_

Veronica tumbled back on his bed with his body falling on top of hers. Her legs cradled his body. Finally she freed her arms and they fell back on the bed. Logan closed his hands on top of hers and twined his fingers with hers.

i_ He pulled apart her legs even wider, causing her to wince. He placed his lips right against her ear, licking, then murmured. "How long have you been screaming? He's not coming."/i_

Logan kissed her from her lips, to her cheeks, to her temple, then moved down to her ear. His lips teased her earlobe, then he bit gently. "I love you," he whispered. "Do you think that can be set aside so easily?"

Veronica did not respond. Logan raised himself on his elbows and looked down at her. She lay on her back, barely breathing, her eyes closed and the tears rolling down her eyes to her temples, vanishing into her hair.

"Veronica," Logan repeated.

He looked down at their position and saw the complete yielding abandon of their places. She was crying, and to the outsider it looked as if he had spread her legs forcefully in the way they were splayed on either side of his hips, as if he was holding her hands down against the mattress. She was so slack that the ring had fallen off her pointer finger and now sat desolated above where their fingers were intertwined. He had no doubt, to a very small piece of Veronica hidden fearfully inside her, it looked the same.

Logan heaved himself off her, unmindful of the painful state of his own body, then collapsed on his back beside her, breathing harshly.

She turned her head to the side and studied his face. His jaw was clenched tightly, and his eyes were closed. His expression did not change. It looked like he was sculpted with the stony demeanor that he exuded. Veronica wanted to touch him, and to have him yield to her touch. She wanted to go back in time and respond to his touches, but it was impossible to change what had already happened. She knew that all too well.

Instead, Veronica lay on her side and then placed her palm against his heart. He flinched, but did not move.

"I can't lose my control over my own body, Logan," she said simply, matter-of-factly, without the need for apology from either one of them. "Not after Duncan."

His eyes slowly opened and he met her gaze with his sad one. He picked up her hand and raised it to her lips. Slowly he kissed her fingertips one by one, a silent apology that equaled his decision to methodically dispose of Duncan Kane's body with no questions asked.

"Not after Casey."

His hold on her fingers tightened. "Did he—"

Veronica read the horror in his eyes. She shook her head slightly. "Casey didn't take anything away that I didn't allow him to. But it was the same, Logan. I was someone else with him." Veronica swallowed the shame. "I was so afraid of losing him. I was afraid of not being loved, of being easily disposed of." Unvoiced between them was the accusation that she did not want to be left the way she was by Logan. "I handed him the reins and I just… let him take us where he wanted. And that means it wasn't his fault but I feel so violated by that now."

"I don't understand."

"Duncan took away my control, Logan," Veronica said. "I gave it all to Casey in exchange for not leaving me. I needed him to keep me, Logan. At that point in my life, I didn't think anyone wanted me. It won't be easy to let go of that."

Logan rolled to one side of the bed and then sat up. The purse vibrated on the table. Logan picked it up and handed it to Veronica. She sat up and took the phone out of the purse. After checking the caller ID, she glanced up at Logan. "It's Casey." Logan offered no reaction. He was not about to tell her whether or not she should speak with her own fiancé. It was her decision and he swore to everything he held dear that he would not be caught taking away her choice in anything they did.

Veronica answered the call. "Casey." She released her breath. "I'm not coming back." Her eyes flew to Logan, fearful about her answers and being so open to Logan about them. "I can't, Casey," she continued softly. A long pause from her when it seemed that Casey was speaking. Firmly, she countered, "I won't do it, Casey."

Veronica started when Logan picked up her hand. She watched in awe as he slowly slid off the ostentatious diamond ring from her finger. Then, his gaze not leaving hers so that he could read any hesitation or disapproval from her expression, Logan slipped on the blue diamond and sapphire ring that had dropped on the bed.

Veronica's heart thundered in her ears. She dropped the phone even while Casey spoke on the other line. "Do you think all our problems are going to go away because of this?" she asked, her voice devoid of accusation. "You have too much confidence in yourself. There are things we can't change."

"Maybe I have too much confidence in the two of us," he answered.

Maybe it was the way he held her hand then, or the sincerity in his eyes, or maybe the fact that she never did stop loving him, that she realized that she was right. There were too many things they could not change and the way she felt about him was one of those constants.

Veronica pulled her hand away and then took off Logan's ring. She placed it in his palm and closed his hand around it. Tears gathered in his eyes. Veronica turned his head so he would look directly at her. "You bought this ring for the girl you loved. I'm not that girl anymore," she told him. Before he could protest, Veronica shushed him. "But I'm willing to see if you'll fall in love with the person I've become."

"That won't be hard," he rasped.

She smiled slightly. "We'll see." Veronica leaned over towards him and initiated the kiss once again.

Tentatively, Logan placed his hands on her waist and lay back down. He helped her climb on top of him and straddle his thighs. Veronica hesitated, then lay down on top of him and kissed the hollow of his throat. Logan made a low rumbling sound. He fought the urge to bury his fingers in her hair. He reached up and gripped the headboard. "Tell me what you want me to do," he breathed.

Veronica squirmed on top of him, causing Logan to groan. She blinked away the tears when he saw the self-control he exerted. "Thank you," she whispered against his lips. She kissed her way down to his nipple, laving and sucking.

"Ronnie," he groaned, his knuckles whitened as he tightened his grip.

"Take off my shirt," she told him.

He was only too happy to get rid of Casey's shirt. She was never going to wear another man's clothes. Logan sat up, careful to move slowly so that she would expect his movement. He lifted the shirt off her body.

Logan sat mesmerized by her bare breasts. It had been too long since he had seen them. "May I?"

Veronica took his hands in hers and brought them to her breasts. She released a pleased sigh. "I want you to come inside me, Logan. I want to remember what it's like to be with you. I want you to make love to me."

He shook his head. Logan gently dislodged her from the straddling position, then shimmied out of his pants and underwear. He caught her staring at him. He smiled. Gingerly, Logan reached towards her to help her get Casey's boxers off of her. Then he lifted her back up and settled her to sit on his bare thighs. "This first time, you be on top. You control the speed. You control the angle." He gave her a smile of encouragement. "You control us."

A spark of interest flickered in her eyes. Veronica studied Logan spread out under her. She grasped him in her hands and then lifted herself up on her knees, then settled over him. "Help me," she gasped. Logan lifted her up over him and guided himself to her opening. She closed her eyes. Her lips parted as she slowly settled down. Logan's body entered her ever so slowly. "Logan," she gasped. Veronica made some awkward efforts to move. "Logan," she sobbed. Then, of their own volition, her hips rose and fell. She felt him sliding in and out of her. She peered at his face and saw the look of almost pain. She quickened her movement and released harsh guttural breaths.

Faster, harder, she moved. Soon, she felt the unexpected clenching of her muscles and the spasm of her body. Veronica's earth exploded beneath her eyelids.

Logan grunted and came in a hot rush inside her body, coating her. She fell on his chest, her eyes closed as she caught her breath. Logan's arms came up around her and cradled her against his body.

He smiled as she felt the cold spot where her breath had dried his sweat on his body. Logan felt something hard digging into his shoulder. He looked down and saw that the phone had rolled to the dip caused by their joined bodies on the bed. Logan took it to toss it away. He saw the light still on, indicating that the person on the other line was still there. He put it on his ear. "Hello," his voice rumbled.

"Tell her to at least not to call out your name next time she decides to be unfaithful." Then the line was cut.

Logan looked down and saw that Veronica had fallen asleep on his chest, with him still inside her. He placed on kiss on her moist forehead.

tbc


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

Veronica woke on an unfamiliar bed, pleasantly sore in places she had forgotten existed for the past few years. She rolled to her side and stretched her limbs languidly. With a deep moan, she reached behind her where warmth had radiated through the night. She blinked her eyes open and peered at the empty bed in disappointment. Veronica burrowed her head deeper into the pillow, beside the furrow that Logan had obviously made. His place was still warm. He had not gotten up too long ago. Veronica lifted herself reluctantly then crawled over to fall on Logan's side of the bed. A small smile graced her lips as she breathed in the scent left imprinted on the sheets, her mind clouding with the explosion of sensations that she had experienced the night before as her nostrils were filled with all that was Logan Echolls.

"Hmmm." Veronica grabbed one of the longer pillows and wrapper her arms and legs around it. If Logan was going to get up from bed early, then she had to just drift back to sleep and dream about him. She shivered on the bed and groggily reached for the hotel bedrobe tossed carelessly at the foot of the bed. After slipping it on, she closed her eyes again.

She was about to slip back into her dreams when the side of the bed dipped and stronger scents assaulted her senses.

"Are you going to stay there all day?" came Logan's voice. "I didn't know you've gotten so lazy."

Veronica rolled onto her back and narrowed her eyes at Logan. "Tease a drunken man but never tease someone who just woke up."

"What were doing?" Logan smirked down at her. "Dreaming about me?"

"How did you know?" Veronica reached up her arms and Logan bent down to help her up. She breathed in that familiar and delicious scent that was heightened by the facial wash he had used in his morning ritual. On his shirt she smelled coffee and bacon. "You prepared breakfast!"

"Of course," he answered with a smile. "I have to show you I'm worth the time of day. I can't just live off the benefits having a gorgeous body provides."

Veronica chuckled and shook her head. "You're vain." She stood up, ignoring the various aches and pains that pleasantly reminded her of the huge change in her life.

Logan raised his eyebrows. "But I don't see you denying it."

They made their way to the kitchen counter area of Logan's hotel room. A steaming pot of coffee waited. Veronica gushed at the scent of the brew. He poured them two cups and gestured towards the silver room service cart. Veronica hurried towards it and revealed the two plates of continental breakfast, complete with waffles, eggs and bacon.

"This looks good."

Logan nodded, then tossed a box of paper towels at her. "Just remember that's a plate for me and one for you."

"I wasn't going to eat everything," she grumbled. Veronica took a plate and plopped down on the couch. At the first bite of the scrambled eggs, she wanted to take back what she had claimed. She could finish more than two plates.

As Logan started on his food, Veronica watched him from the corner of her eyes. She could not remember the last time she had had a quiet moment like this with Casey. He had most often been away in college during their relationship. It was easy and fun whenever he was home. What she had with him was the perfect relationship that she could need. There was no need to face emotions head on because he was often gone. At the same time, she had the security of knowing that somewhere out there someone loved her and wanted to spend his life with her. Casey gave her the comfort of knowing she was wanted.

It was too early to ask, really. Still, Veronica had to wonder what was in store for her with Logan. Was he going to love her then leave her again? Was she going to leave someone whom she knew loved her to a fault for someone she knew could easily end their affair and walk away?

Was she never going to give Casey the chance to explain the box under the bed, when it was probably the only deception he had committed?

Hadn't Casey set her expectations when they got engaged, and he promised her the type of love he could offer?

_i"I promise, Veronica. I'm going to give you more love than you'd know what to do with."/i_

The words he had uttered sent shivers down her spine now that she remembered them. His face glowing red from the bonfire, Casey had looked directly into her eyes and promised something that had been so romantic then. Now, it was terrifying.

But was she never going to give him the chance?

Was she going to do to Casey what Logan had done to her and walk away from a relationship that the other had invested their entire life in, without giving the other a chance to explain?

"Is something wrong?" Logan asked quietly.

Veronica gave him a hesitant smile and shook her head.

"Tell me," he said firmly. Veronica's eyes flew straight to his. Logan looked uncomfortable when he realized what he had said. He amended, "You can tell me if you want to, Veronica. That's what we've agreed to do, right?"

She shrugged. Quietly, she confessed, "I'm having second thoughts."

A look of hurt passed over his eyes. He nodded. "That's expected, I suppose. Can you tell me why?" He placed his plate on the couch beside him. "I know you're in love with him."

She shook her head. "Logan, you know I was never in love with anyone else the way I was with you," she told him sadly. "But I don't know if I can live with my life knowing I walked out on someone who cares for me as much as Casey does." He winced at the implication and the unvoiced analogy. "I know how it feels, Logan. It feels like someone stabbed you through the heart, twisted and left the knife in there all those years."

He swallowed. "What do you want me to do?" he asked, tightly hidden anguish still apparent in his voice.

"I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty," Veronica rushed. "But you understand, don't you?" Logan nodded quickly to assure her, although his eyes brimmed with tears. Veronica sighed, then discarded the plate. She knelt in front of Logan and took his hand in hers. She placed a kiss on the back of his hand. "I'm sorry and if you're going to hate me then go ahead and hate me. I have to know why," she told him.

Logan looked deep into her eyes. He did not doubt it. Even if she always referred to her love as something of the past and never mentioned it after he walked away from her, and even if love was a word that only passed his own lips the night before, he had no doubt that she felt it to. It shone in her eyes whenever she looked at him like this. Before he could answer, the phone rang. Veronica jerked in surprise and dropped his hand. He stood up and walked over to the phone. "Hello," he rasped. Logan cleared the emotion from his throat and said again, "Hello."

As he listened to the receptionist at the other end of the line, his eyes searched for Veronica's.

"In the lobby?" he clarified.

Putting the phone on mute, Logan turned to her. "Veronica, Casey's down at the lobby. Do you want me to send him up?" he asked even if inside him all he wanted was to tell the receptionist to have him escorted out.

She shook her head. Logan's breathed in relief. Then she told him, "I'll change into something else and meet him at the lobby." Logan's heart clenched. She frowned. "Wait a minute. I don't have anything other than his clothes. Tell him I'll meet him in the pool area. At least this robe is fine there."

Telling her that she could not do that was not going to help with her issues. Neither would it help him regain her trust in him. Instead, Logan swallowed his pride and spoke into the phone. "Can you send him to meet us by the pool? Thank you."

Veronica ran her fingers through her hair. There was no sense showing Casey evidence of whatever it was that made her stay overnight in Logan's room, although she doubted he did not know yet. "Logan, I'm meeting him by myself."

"Veronica—" Her eyes were emotionless when they met his, and it scared him. "He knows. Last night, he heard everything." She closed her eyes. "I don't want him to hurt you."

She licked her lips. "If there's anything Casey will never be able to bring himself to do, that's to lay a hand on me—violent or otherwise."

Logan's brows furrowed at the words and their implication. She smiled briefly, uneasily, at that confession. She then fixed her robe and tightened the belt. Veronica stood and walked over to the bedroom. When she emerged, Veronica was holding the large diamond ring that he had taken off from her finger the night before.

She walked over to the door. Logan strode over to her and caught her by the arm. "He never touched you?" he asked.

A long pregnant pause, then she shook her head. "He didn't want to."

_iThat moment she was mine, mine, fair,_

_Perfectly pure and good/i_

Veronica smiled and said, "Do you know how it feels to be loved like that without sex in the picture? The first time I found out we had been dating for a few months and he told me he loved me too much to ruin it." She took a deep breath. "After… after what happened with Duncan…"

He nodded. She had fallen into the web of Casey's life with that stroke of genius that Casey Gant had not manipulated. Veronica would forever place him on a pedestal for that.

_iI found a thing to do, and all her hair_

_In one long yellow string I wound_

_Three times her little throat around/i_

She stood on tiptoes and placed a kiss on Logan's chin, then quickly turned the knob and closed the door behind her. Veronica hurried to the elevator and rode the way to the pool area. As she walked, she thought of a hundred ways to greet him but could not settle on one. How did one greet a fiancé with whom you did not end formally with but who had heard you having sex with another man?

She pushed the glass doors open and saw him there at once, across the swimming pool, standing there staring at him. Veronica walked over to one of the tables. Casey walked over towards her. When she reached one of the chairs, he took it from her hands and pulled it so that she could sit. Veronica settled on the chair. She pushed away thoughts of how he took most everything out of her hands, but fed on it as well. She was going to take one thing in control and that was to reclaim the decision she had been swept into one night in the Moon Calf Collective.

Veronica waited until Casey settled into the chair across from hers. He smiled at her, and she wondered how much love he had in his heart that he could seem so warm to her after what he had discovered. She placed the ring at the center of the table between them, the sound of the diamond clattering.

"What is this?" he asked.

"I can't marry you, Casey."

He took the ring in his hand and slipped it into his shirt pocket. He smiled at her. "You know, Veronica, I'm not surprised. You were always in love with him. I don't blame you."

She could not believe her ears. "You're not mad?"

"You think Logan's mad that I'll probably be in love with you even after we have this talk?"

"He probably will," she muttered.

His hand reached out and closed over hers. "I'm sorry it didn't work out. I understand you have so much left hanging with him. If what you need is to see this relationship to its conclusion, then so be it. I'll be here when you need me. Trust me."

She took a deep breath. Veronica had no idea how to respond to his reaction. She had expected it to be more emotional, more violent. Then again, she just proved she was right about him. Casey would never raise his hand or his voice in anger. "If I can trust you so much, then why were there surveillance photos of me under your bed? Why were Duncan's letters there?" she demanded.

To his credit, he was shocked and mortified by her questions. Casey's hand tightened around hers. Veronica tried to pull her hand away but he held fast. "You found them?" She nodded. "How?"

"Does it matter?" she asked.

"Veronica, you realize that even before we were together, I was already in love with you, right?"

"You mentioned it."

He nodded. "When Duncan was found murdered, I already knew he was stalking you."

"How?" she asked in disbelief. Veronica had solved the puzzle too late.

"I watched you," was Casey's confession. Veronica shivered at the thought. Reality was that two men had been watching her moves, her routine. It was chilling. "I saw Duncan following you. I even saw him drop that last letter inside your locker."

It had become too much. She pulled her hand out of his grasp by extricating her fingers using her other hand. Her skin crawled at the prospect of how long it had been since the start of Casey's claim to love her more than she would know what to do with.

"Casey," she choked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

His eyes intent and sincere, he told her, "Because I was already taking care of it. I followed him everywhere."

The air left her lungs in such a rush that it left her gasping for breath. "Casey, what do you mean?" she asked slowly.

"I mean I did everything to take care of you, Veronica. I heard on the news that Duncan was murdered and I took all the letters from your place. Then I broke into the Kanes' and took the photos. You wouldn't be a suspect because I took any evidence that could link you negatively with Duncan Kane."

By now, Veronica's face was tearstreaked. She jumped up from her seat and whirled around. From behind the glass doors inside the building, she saw Logan waiting. Veronica did not want to hear anymore. She backed away.

"I will never let anyone hurt you," he told her.

Veronica nodded and smiled uncomfortably. She turned around. She was about to go back inside when she saw two men come up behind Logan. Veronica hurried towards the glass doors and pushed through them. Casey was behind her but she did not care. Logan was being cuffed. She heard the last words of the officers.

"You are under arrest for the murder of Duncan Kane. You have the right to remain silent—"

Veronica watched in horror as Logan numbly allowed them to propel him towards the elevator. "Logan, no!" she gasped.

Logan looked at her sadly, then shook his head. "I'll be fine, Veronica. I need you to call my lawyer and send them to the station after me."

"You can't arrest him," Veronica cried. "I have something to say—"

"Veronica!" Logan exclaimed. His voice softened, "Just do what I asked please."

Casey's hand rested on her spine and rubbed circles on her back. "It's okay, Veronica. I'll help you take care of this," he murmured.

She followed the officers towards the elevator. The officers stopped her. "No, I'm coming to the station with you!"

"Miss, please step out of the elevator." When Veronica did not budge, the officer grabbed her upper arm and pushed her outside.

"Get your hands off her, asshole!" Logan exploded. He barreled towards the officer in question. The other officer grabbed him and pushed him against the wall.

"It's okay, Logan," Casey said. "I'll take care of her."

The elevator doors were closing as Logan's gaze met Casey's. He turned to Veronica. "I love you, Ronnie. I ned you to relax and do what I said," Logan repeated. As the elevator car descended to the ground floor, the officers waited for Logan to calm down.

"Why the hell are you arresting me years after Duncan died?" he demanded. "If I was a suspect, shouldn't you have done this long ago?"

The officer shook his head. Then they led Logan to the parking area where the police car was parked. "You'll learn the details in the precinct," one of the officers informed him. "I'm surprised you're going to let your young woman stay with Mr Gant." Obviously the officer did not know Veronica. "After all it was Mr Gant who turned over the evidence that reopened this case."

"What?"

"At around midnight Casey Gant turned over the murder weapon that had your fingerprints all over it."

"I need the phone," Logan rasped. "I have to make a call."

"You'll have one call when we reach the station."

"I need the fucking phone now!"

The officers looked at one another. "You'll get your call at the station, Mr Echolls."

Logan swallowed, then stared at the moving city outside. He hoped to God Veronica was right and Casey would never hurt her.

tbc


	10. Chapter 10

Part 10

She stared at the closed steel doors of the elevator, still stunned by the events that fast transpired in front of her eyes. Only this morning everything seemed perfect as she stretched in Logan's bed, with most of their problems pushed so far back that she forgot for those precious hours they had spent together. Now she was right back where she started—trembling, confused, frantic, with Casey Gant waiting in the wings.

She felt his hand close over her elbow. Casey leaned and assured her, "You'll be fine. Come on. Let's go."

One thing was different from then and now. Veronica did not need anyone to assure her that she was desirable. She did not need anyone to grab the reins and take her. She firmly pulled away. "Go ahead, Casey. I'll wait for my dad."

He frowned. "I'd really rather just drive you."

"I don't care what you'd rather do, Casey," she answered. "I'd rather stay here and wait for my father."

With a long look that bordered on disappointment, Casey turned his back on her and pushed the elevator button to wait for the lift. Veronica slowly made her way towards one of the waiting couches and reached for the available phone on the lamp table, then called her dad.

She turned at the sound of the bell and saw Casey enter the elevator. "Are you sure? I can drop you off if you really want to stay at home."

Veronica gave him a stiff, uncomfortable smile and waved him away. She waited for any mention of her night with Logan. She should have been relieved that Casey could so easily forgive and forget. It was obvious he did not want her unsettled and that was why he did not remind her of what he knew. Instead of comforting her, his reaction gave her goosebumps.

When the doors to the elevator closed, Veronica was finally able to sigh in relief and settle back in the couch. She closed her eyes to keep the burning down. It was futile. The tears began to seep through the edges soon enough. Veronica shook her head and clutched the robe tighter around her body.

There was so much in her mind—enough to drive her insane because every bit of information seemed placed haphazardly in a nonsequence. There was so much essential information that had been relegated to the periphery. Had it not been her at the center of it all, she would have sat down and resolved the intricacies herself. She waited for the one person who could solve the problem.

Through the half an hour since Casey finally left, the elevator pinged several times but Veronica did not bother to check. Finally, on one last bell, Veronica opened her eyes to see her father step off the elevator and search the room for her. When Keith Mars spotted his daughter, he gave her a sad smile and opened his arms. It was as if she became a little girl again. Veronica flew towards Keith and threw her arms around him, embracing him tightly and burying her nose in the crook of his neck. "Thanks for coming, dad," she whispered.

"Why didn't you call Casey?" Keith asked her gently.

"He was here."

"You didn't ride with him."

She shook her head. "It doesn't feel right anymore." The look she sent her father pleaded for him to understand.

Keith nodded and held his daughter at arm's length. He scrutinized her face and asked, "Do you want me to tell him it's over?" he inquired carefully, recognizing how much her daughter had changed since Duncan died.

"I already did," she told him.

Keith stared at her for a moment before a smile broke out on his face. It was the first sign of her spirit sparking back to life. At her father's reaction, Veronica appreciated even more what had changed in her since last night.

Proudly, she repeated, "I took care of it, dad."

Keith grinned and put his arm around her shoulders. "Come on, kid. Let's go."

In the car, Keith drove and silence hung between the two of them. He glanced at Veronica in the passenger seat. She drew a deep breath. As Keith negotiated his way through the streets of Neptune, he broke the silence by telling her, "Talk to me, Veronica. What's going on?"

Her eyes were clear when she answered. "Dad, will it be okay if you drop me off at the sheriff's?" When it appeared like Keith was about to refuse, Veronica closed her hand around Keith's as it gripped the wheel. "I promise to tell you everything afterwards, okay? Please trust me."

Keith's jaw tensed. It took another half a minute before he nodded curtly. "I'll wait for you right outside. But you have to promise that you will tell me everything and you will answer all my questions afterwards. Is that a deal?"

She nodded. Then she looked out the window, waiting. There was only one man who could solve this problem when her eyes were too blinded by proximity. Her father was her last chance to save herself and Logan. She wanted to tell him everything, maybe to unload some of the weight that had been bogging her down for so long. It would be so easy. Her father would be willing to take the brunt of anything that caused her worry, anything that endangered her. She had proven that so many times. Still, Veronica needed one last stop. She owed him that much.

Veronica had not realized how much time had passed until her father stopped the car and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned to him and met his somber gaze. "Will you be long?"

Veronica smiled grimly and shook her head. "How long is the longest they'll give me to talk to someone they arrested for murder?"

Keith did not give an outward sign of his surprise. "How much do they have on him?" he asked instead.

"Nothing but fingerprints on a three-year-old murder weapon," she answered in a monotone.

Keith was not a successful investigator for nothing. He quickly pieced together what little information he gained from that statement as well as everything that Veronica had shared with him in the hotel regarding the state of her relationship with Casey Gant. "Normally none. But knowing how they bungled most of their cases against Logan Echolls, they'll probably give you as much as ten minutes."

She swallowed. There was no sense denying it. She was supposed to talk to her father about it afterwards anyway. "Ten?"

"That's all. Duncan Kane's murder has been a cloud hanging over the department for years. They're going to prosecute someone."

Veronica opened her mouth to say something, but she shook her head instead. She opened the door and stepped out. "I'll be back in twenty," she told her father then shut the door.

"Veronica!" Keith called to his daughter. She turned and waited for him to speak. "You're wearing a robe."

Veronica glanced down as if she had forgotten what she was wearing. She raised anxious eyes towards Keith, then resolved to herself that she did not care. She shrugged then proceeded to the sheriff's office with her head held high, walking in as if she had been doing it daily without fail when in fact she had not done so since the last time she was invited there for her statement when they closed Duncan's case.

It had taken no more than a look at her—with her tangled hair, sunken red-rimmed eyes, and stubborn jaw—for the sheriff to reluctantly give her five minutes with Logan. He owed her. She solved Lilly's case for him and nearly got killed in the process. She cooperated completely to the resolution of the bus crash, a case she could have simply walked away from after escaping unscathed. Lamb owed her this.

"Five?" she repeated, clearly displeased.

Lamb sneered, but pity peeked behind the warring mixture of contempt, arrogance, admiration and fear. "You'll take five and be grateful for it." The Veronica Mars who walked out of his door after giving a tremulous statement after Kane's investigation closed would nod despite the spark of indignation.

"I'll take ten. Thank you." Veronica turned towards the interrogation room. "I want the audio recorder turned off."

"I wouldn't intrude on your privacy," the sheriff assured her. "And Veronica," he called out, looking pointedly at her attire, "if this is a conjugal visit, I have to warn you that there's no way I can block the one-way glass on the wall."

Veronica walked over and turned right on the corridor, having memorized the way from the years her father served as sheriff and the time she had spent coming back here during her quest for Lilly's killer. She stopped right outside the glass window. Logan sat inside, his hands clasped on the table in front of him, staring down at his entwined fingers, hunched over and looking so small but so strong. Veronica took a deep, steadying breath, then went over to the door and swung it open.

When he heard the movement, he straightened his back. He did not turn around to look at her. "Finished running out to collect more questions?" he asked sardonically.

His attitude put a smile on her face. They could beat him down with a stick and he was always going to come lashing back with sarcasm. How could anyone ever think he could physically hurt anyone? Veronica stepped closer until she was so close to him that her robe brushed against his back. Logan whirled around and looked down at her. He caught her by the waist and then wrapped his arms around her tightly, so hard that she felt crushed, unable to breathe, and she did not even care. Veronica twisted her arms out of Logan's enclosing ones, and looped them around his neck, pulling him down so she could kiss him and drown in him. Logan's lips took hers hungrily. Veronica gasped for breath when their mouths parted. After taking enough to sustain herself, she met his lips again for another more bruising kiss. He turned them so that she could sit on the table. Veronica buried her fingers in his hair. When Logan's kisses trailed across her jaw to the pulse point behind her ear, and Veronica moaned.

"Logan," she gasped. "Logan, the window."

He closed his eyes tightly, tempted to say to hell with it and just make love to her with no regard to whether or not Lamb was outside leering at them. "I have to touch you," he whispered into her ear, grazing the shell with his teeth.

Veronica shivered, firmly but gently pulling away. "Logan," she repeated.

Her voice was tight and her muscles wound. He recognized the change and reluctantly pulled away. "You're right," he agreed. Logan waited for her to relax and feel that he was not forcing anything.

She picked up his hand and placed a soft kiss on his fingers. Veronica held his hand against her cheek. Logan cupped her face. "I'm getting you out of here," she promised.

"You swore to me—"

Veronica shushed him, then walked around the room, searching for any audio device. Veronica ran her hands over the walls, searching for hollows. She found none. She then proceeded to the edges of the glass. Veronica ran her fingers under the table and touched the one device that still blinked green, indicating that it was on. She pulled off the wire and turned to the glass window, staring back at her reflection where she supposed Lamb stood watching. She held up the device and raised her eyebrows. "You won't fine us for this, right? After all, you did promise there won't be anything like this." She tossed the device aside and turned back to Logan.

"You're not going to confess," he told her as soon as she turned back to him.

Her eyes narrowed and she retorted, "I thought we understood each other. You don't control me or anything I want to do."

"I'm giving you your control back so that we can be together without your hangup or your concerns. But I didn't agree to let you throw away your life."

"So our agreement was selective?" she asserted.

"Our agreement goes only so far as to assure that we can be together," he told her. "That's not going to happen with you in jail."

"And it's going to happen when you're the one in jail?" she snapped. He lowered his hackles. Veronica continued, "I'm going to get you out of here. As much as possible, I'll make sure neither of us does any jail time. I've had enough of trying to convince ourselves we'll be better off alone. I need you to trust me."

The knock on the door indicated that their time was over. She wanted to curse the several minutes of heaven they shared, because it took away the precious little time they had for discussion. Logan sensed what the knock was for and grasped her hand then pulled her towards him. "Let's not argue."

Veronica closed her eyes and gave him a bittersweet kiss. He responded with the same tender kiss and said against her lips, "I trust you."

Veronica swallowed the tears that threatened and quickly walked away and closed the door behind her. She nodded at the deputy waiting outside and walked by the glass window and jumped back when he saw him standing there, staring blindly at a spot just in front of her. She stepped over to stand across from him and pressed her palm against the cool glass. Slowly, as if called by something unheard, Logan pressed his own palm on the glass over hers.

She bit her lip and hurried away, leaving Logan holding his hand to the one-way looking glass. She burst out of the sheriff's office and saw her father leaning against the car. At the sight of his daughter, Keith smiled and opened the door. Once she was safely ensconced in the passenger seat, he sat in the driver's seat.

"Dad," she began once Keith started the car, "I need you to help me get Logan out. He didn't kill Duncan."

Keith turned off the car and turned to his daughter. "Tell me."

"Shouldn't we go somewhere else?" She shot a wary glance at the sheriff's office.

"It's safer here inside the car, Veronica," her father reminded her.

She blinked, recalling a certain lesson that she had learned. "Diners can have people eavesdropping. At least we know our vehicle is clean." Keith nodded, pleased. Veronica bent her head and continued. "Dad, Logan couldn't have killed Duncan. He wasn't in the scene until after."

"The scene?" Keith repeated, his voice taking on an edge. "Veronica, what do you know about the scene of the crime? Duncan's body was found at the beach. You're telling me you know there was another scene?"

She nodded, facing her father with as much courage and trust she could muster. "Duncan died on Logan's kitchen floor. He—he died on top of me," she rasped. Unknowingly, she gripped her father's hand. "Duncan raped me, dad," she confessed brokenly. "I went to Logan's and he raped me on Logan's kitchen floor."

"You were dating Logan then, weren't you?" Keith asked, playing the devil's advocate, trying to ignore the words the stabbed into his heart. He allowed his daughter to dig half moons of blood into his hand, sharing the pain that he hadn't known about for so long. "He could have killed him after what Duncan did to you."

Veronica shook her head. "Duncan was already dead when Logan arrived. He took the knife and told me he'd take care of it."

Keith's silence was long and troubled. Finally, he said, "You're telling me you killed Duncan."

i_ Her mind barely registered him pumping inside her. She had stopped moving, and lay open to him. Duncan thrust inside her, uncaring that he ripped her, or that she had slipped into oblivion. All she felt before the blackness was a raw, ripping, burning tenderness./i_

Veronica swallowed and looked down at her hands, wondering. "I don't know," she admitted, her voice trembling. "I don't know what happened between blacking out with him thrusting into me and waking up with his dead weight on me and gripping a knife in my hand."

"What?"

i_ Veronica's eyelids fluttered open. Around her was darkness. She felt the heavy weight of Duncan's body weighing her down. She laid on her back on the cold floor and her thighs were still splayed wide around Duncan's bare hips. Bile rose in her throat./i_

"I didn't," she realized. Her eyes flew up to meet her father's, ignoring the tears that seemed to provide a sheen to his eyes. "I didn't kill him, dad."

"Are you sure?" he pressed on.

Veronica shuddered to think about it, to remember what had happened to her, to recall the exact way it felt, the position they had been, the reaction she had had. "He was still inside me," she whispered.

"Veronica—" Keith choked out.

"He was still inside me," she repeated. "He was limp and dead and heavy, but he was inside me." Veronica closed her eyes against the horror she saw flooding Keith's face. "I'm sorry, dad. You're the only one who can help me."

Keith's other hand soothed hers as she gripped his. "You can tell me," he assured her even if every word killed him.

i_ His hands now grasped her by her calves as he moved her into position. Veronica struggled under his weight as he raised himself up. With one hand he ripped away her underwear, bruising her lips where the stitching would not budge. Again, he pulled until finally it ripped away._

"_Duncan, you love me, don't you?" she whispered._

_His face mottled and screwed. He slapped her hard across the face. Veronica saw the burst of stars in her eyelids. Her breasts were flattened between their bodies. There was no use pleading with him. She grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled. Duncan caught her wrists and tightened his hold, cutting off the flow of blood./i_

"He held my hands up," she told her father. "I didn't have any weapon. That was when he raped me. I didn't have a knife, dad. If I woke up sometime afterwards to get a knife and stab him, he wouldn't still have been inside me."

Keith cracked his knuckles in an effort to relieve the overwhelming tension. He processed the words, forcing himself to treat it as any other case so that he could think. He had to forget this was his daughter. Pieces of the puzzle fell together but the undeniable fact that Veronica was the one it had happened to made it difficult for him to even think. "When did Logan come into the picture?"

"After I had pushed Duncan off of me," Veronica told him. "He saw the knife and he thought I'd killed Duncan. I thought I'd killed Duncan," she admitted. "He was going to take care of it."

"Did he?"

"They found Duncan's body in Dog Beach, didn't they?"

Keith nodded. "I'm going to have to talk to Logan." He leaned over his daughter and embraced her and he felt her shivering. At least he could give her this much. "Is there anything else that you think is relevant? Anything you want to tell me?"

"Duncan had been stalking me," she told Keith. "He sent me letters. Then I found those letters in Casey's room, along with some photos of me. Casey told me he took them so that the police won't suspect me."

Keith turned and stared out into the windshield. He then started the car.

tbc


	11. Chapter 11

Part 11

When he stopped the car in front of their apartment, Keith watched as his daughter gave him a quick nod and opened the car door. Before she could step out, Keith reached out a hand and grasped her wrist. She turned towards her father and looked down at where he held her. Then, her gaze rose to meet his. Her eyes flickered.

Keith opened his mouth to speak, then gave her a small sad smile and shook his head. "Go on and have some rest," he said softly. "I'll take care of it."

Veronica took a deep shuddering breath, then nodded and got out of the car. She shut the door and walked towards the apartment.

Keith Mars then drove back towards the sheriff's office to gather the missing pieces of the puzzle that Veronica had presented him with. His hands tightened around the steering wheel, remembering the details that she had given. Most victims would not have given such a clean recount. Then again, most victims were not his daughter. Most suspects were not her ex-boyfriends. He had to take his relationship with Veronica out of the equation or else he would never see this clearly enough to resolve it.

He despised Logan Echolls. Three years ago he walked out of Neptune and was never heard from again. After finding out what he suspected was true, and that Logan abandoned his daughter in the middle of their relationship, he loathed the guy. Today, Keith found out that Logan had walked out on a serious involvement with his daughter on the aftermath of her rape. He hoped to God he did not end up in jail for assault.

"Echolls," Keith told Lamb. "I'm here to see Logan Echolls."

Lamb placed his feet on top of the desk. "We're not yet done with him."

"What," Keith asked, "you think he'll sign a confession just because you're illegally detaining him in here?"

There was a clatter against the wood. Keith glanced down to see that Lamb had tossed the plastic bag containing a kitchen knife towards him. "It's an open and shut case. There's your murder weapon."

Keith took the bag in his hands and held up the evidence. "I've got one just like this. You won't remember," he told Lamb. "A set of these knives went on sale a long time ago. I got this as a wedding gift for Lianne."

"You're telling me the Echolls, multimillionaires that they are, have the same cheap ass kitchen knives that deputy had," Lamb retorted.

"They cost me an arm and a leg," Keith replied testily. "It was a good set at a good price. I'm betting seventy percent of the kitchens in Neptune had this type of knife any time in the last twenty years."

Lamb's eyes narrowed. He grabbed the bag from Keith and placed it on his desk. "If you're trying for reasonable doubt, save it for the judge. I've had this swabbed. We will find Duncan Kane's DNA on that."

"Proves Duncan was killed with the knife or he wandered by the Echolls' kitchen and used it to cut up something, then nicked his fingers the way rich boys are prone to do when they perform manual labor," Keith pointed out.

"Are you this kid's lawyer?" Lamb demanded.

"I'm simply looking out for you, Lamb," was Keith's reply. "Do you know how embarrassing it's going to be if either myself or my daughter overturns your findings?"

"The kid's fingerprints are all over that knife!" the sheriff exploded.

Keith sighed, then slumped on the chair in front of Lamb's desk. "It's a knife from his kitchen, remember?" he reasoned. "The same kitchen Duncan was in when he used it to slice their pepperoni and cheese pizza one study night."

Lamb's fists slammed on the desk, then he stormed outside. Keith waited and listened as Lamb yelled at the officers outside.

"It's been three hours!" he cried. "I can't hold Echolls without any other evidence. Get someone over to his house with a warrant."

Lamb slammed back in to his office and glared at Keith who sat grinning. "Now can I take the boy out of here?" Keith prodded, irritating the sheriff even more.

"You're an asshole, Mars. You know as well as I do that the Kane kid's blood and the Echolls' kid's fingerprints all over the murder weapon proves that Logan killed Duncan."

"They've been friends since they had snot up their noses," Keith said. "Your evidence is weak."

Lamb gritted his teeth. "Your daughter sent you to do this. She was with Echolls in the hotel according to my guys. Is that it, Mars? Did the little girl ask you to help her free the guy she was cheating on Gant with?"

Keith leaned back in his chair. "For a sheriff, you know an awful lot of gossip about the young people in town." When he picked Veronica up from the hotel, he had not thought to ask who she had been with. He hoped to God Logan made up for the hell he had subjected his daughter to.

"Lianne's daughter would always be Lianne's daughter, huh?" Lamb murmured.

"What the hell does that mean?" Keith spat.

Lamb smirked. "Nothing really. I was only marveling at the fact that your wife and your daughter has that much in common. Apart from the looks of course, because Veronica did not get that face from that mug of yours."

"Why are you hesitating, Lamb?" Keith continued coldly. "You had something to say, spit it out."

"Same M.O. The bumbling idiot who always means well goes away for work, maybe police business, maybe college. Attractive young blonde goes out and has an affair with the readily available, filthy rich old flame." By then, Keith had frozen up. "They even used the same hotel."

Keith jumped up from his seat and leaned over the desk, catching lamb by the shirt. "You do not talk about my daughter that way."

"Or else what?" Lamb coaxed. "It may have been a long time since you were sheriff, Mars, but assaulting an officer of the law is still illegal."

Keith released Lamb by pushing him into the chair. He stalked towards the door to leave.

"Tell Veronica that she made her bed. Now she has to lie on it," Lamb called out as Keith was leaving. "She cheated on Gant last night, didn't she? My people take a lot of notes. She pissed off Casey Gant enough to turn in the murder weapon last night. Now I'm betting he found out. For someone who used to make her living running after cheating spouses, she sure doesn't know how to cover her tracks."

At those words, Keith grabbed his phone and saw the blinking voicemail. He pushed the button to play it, then paled.

"Release Logan now!" he yelled at Lamb.

"If your rational arguments didn't get me to release him, yelling at me won't do it either," Lamb told Keith.

Keith stormed towards the interrogation room and kicked the door open. Logan looked up at Keith in surprise. "Follow me," he told Logan.

Logan stood up and jogged towards Keith. "You got me out?"

"Just follow me now. Veronica's in trouble."

"They're not gonna let me walk out of here," Logan reminded Keith.

"Good. We need the police anyway," Keith reasoned. "While they're on our way to arrest us we'll give them a real case." He tossed his phone towards Logan. "I want you to dial the number she used to leave the last voicemail message and not stop until you reach her."

With trembling fingers, Veronica reached for the doorbell and rang. As soon as her father had driven off, she had run to her bedroom and changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater. She had released her problem and the burden she had been carrying for a long time to the person she trusted would never stop until it was completely resolved. However, she had never been the type of person to sit back and wait for everything to be handed to her on a silver platter.

"Dad," Veronica said into the phone, "I know you're at the sheriff's right now. I know you told me to wait at home. You know me enough to know that's not gonna happen. I'm following up something. I'll be at Casey's, then I'm heading right back. I love you. Bye." She hung up her phone.

The letters had been in her bedroom, safe and away from her father's, much less strangers' prying eyes, since Logan accidentally found them. There was no way for Casey to have gotten them unless he had been in her bedroom. If he was right and he had taken the letters right after Duncan was killed, then it did not make sense. Casey Gant had not been a real part of her life until a few months after Duncan died and Logan had cut her off of his life. There was no way Casey could have stumbled on those letters then.

There were two explanations. One, Casey had lied about when he took them. He covered up the fact that he had snooped around his room and taken them while they were dating so that she would consider his thievery an act of concern. Two, Casey had been telling the truth and he had taken them then. It would present most questions and would terrify her more. If he had been telling the truth, it meant Casey had broken into her house when she was no more than a school acquaintance and committed a felony without reason.

Either explanation did not sit well with her.

The door opened and Veronica smiled at Mrs Gant. "What are you doing here?" Casey's mother hissed at her.

"I came here to take something that belongs to me. Please, Mrs Gant. I need them," she pleaded.

The older woman glanced at her watch, then at Veronica. Finally, she nodded and cracked the door open wider. "Hurry up."

Veronica slid inside and ran up the stairs, heading towards Casey's bedroom. She knelt on the floor beside the bed and then crawled to search for the familiar box, hoping against hope that it was there but fearing what it meant if it was. Sure enough, the box was right where she had found them. Veronica reached for it and pulled it out, took off the cover and found the letters and photos all neatly stacked.

She closed her eyes.

_iVeronica took the cover off and upended the box, spilling the contents onto the floor and all over her lap._

_Her eyes widened in shock at what she saw. Familiar colored and scented envelopes, addressed with Duncan's handwriting, and photographs of herself taken without her knowledge. Suddenly she could not breathe. Veronica's hand wrapped around her throat. She felt her pulse beating rapidly._

_She felt goosebumps all over her arms. Veronica pushed the letters and envelopes away from her skin, afraid that they would burn holes through her clothes and poison her./i_

Either Casey had found them in a mess on the floor, or someone else had fixed them up. If Casey had done it, then it meant he knew. That was why he told her about the letters. She took out one of the letters again, then another, and another, and another. One by one she took out the letters from their envelopes. Soon, dozens of pieces of paper were scattered around her. Veronica's heart thundered in her chest. She was looking for something, anything. She did not know exactly what, but something was bound to be inside the box if it called her even now when she was sure that something about Casey was not right. Veronica took out the stack of photos and looked through them again, carefully now, one by one. They were photographs of herself in the grocery, walking her dog, waving to her father. There were photographs taken of her while she was waiting for the bus. Veronica found a picture of her in a payphone booth. She found a snapshot of herself speaking with Logan. Then she froze at a photograph she had not noticed before, a picture midway through the stack. It was a picture of her eating lunch. However, that was not what had caught her attention. In the background, there was Duncan Kane watching her in one of the other tables.

She dropped the stack back in the box. These were not photos taken by Duncan. They were in the same box where Casey had placed Duncan's letters, and she had assumed they were Duncan's as well. Her heart froze in her chest. Methodically, she returned to the letters. She had opened about five dozen when she stopped. She was not looking for evidence on the letters. She carefully picked up all of the envelopes and piled them. Her trembling hands made it difficult to stack them neatly. Afterwards, she allowed her hands to direct her to make the stack line in exactly the way she had done when she hid the letters all those years ago. Longest envelope at the back, shortest at the front. All of the envelopes that made the thickest material defend the rest and cover the sides. After she was done, Veronica lifted the stack and raised it to the light.

And that was when she found them—faint, brown, perfect. Bloodstained fingerprints.

Casey was right. He had taken the letters after Duncan was murdered.

Veronica closed the box and tucked it under her arm. She had enough evidence to close this chapter of her life.

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" There was a long tumbling sound.

She jerked to awareness and ran out of the room. Veronica ran towards the stairs and froze at the top step. At the bottom, she saw the crumpled figure of Mrs Gant, lying on a pool of her own blood.

"You know it's not good manners to steal from someone else's home, Veronica."

She whirled around, then grabbed the rail for balance. Casey stood a few feet away smiling at her. "Your mom let me in. I told her I needed something."

Casey shook his head. "That was my room."

"These are my letters. I want them back."

His eyes narrowed at her. "You're in love with him, aren't you?" Casey demanded. "He's been dead for so long and you still want to keep his letters to you?"

Veronica swallowed at the rage that was evident in his eyes. "Casey, you're not well," she said carefully.

He leapt towards her and grabbed her arm. Veronica squealed in surprise and dropped the box. The contents spilled onto the steps and tumbled down. "Look what you made me do!"

"Casey, you can get treated for this," Veronica whispered.

He smirked at her. "That's what they said too."

"Who, Casey?"

"The programmer and my parents. Look what happened to them."

Veronica tried to pull her arm away but he grasped tighter. "Your dad is in the Rockies."

"Right," he answered quickly. "Together with that programmer. And my mom tried to go skiing down the stairs."

Veronica looked down and saw the sickly shade of blue that Mrs Gant's face had. "Casey, we need to get your mom to the hospital."

"That's what happens when people tell me I'm sick!" he exploded. "She knew that. It's her fault. She knows she knows she knows everything and she won't stop. She's like a broken record and she keeps telling I'm sick I'm sick and I'm not sick! Now she's sick."

"Casey, you're hurting my arm," Veronica said calmly, not wanting to rile him even more.

He took a deep breath, then slowly released her arm. She hissed in relief. Casey sat on the top step. "I wish you appreciated everything I did for you," he told her once again.

Carefully, she settled on the step beside him. "I do, Casey."

"No, you don't," he snapped. "You don't even know everything I've done for you."

Veronica watched him carefully, noting the way his attention was focused solely on the gathering blood around his mother's undoubtedly crushed skull. She glanced down at the blinking light inside the pocket of her pants. She pushed on the phone and prayed she pushed the right button.

"Why don't you tell me, Casey?" she urged. "Casey, did you kill Duncan for me?" she asked, her voice breaking.

Casey did not answer for the longest time. Then he said, "I made sure my mom won't complain every time we're here. Did you notice how much quieter she'd gotten after she asked us to keep it down?"

Veronica had noticed the broken vase and the bandage around her mother's hand afterwards.

"Logan kept making you miserable," he said. "Did you notice how fast he vanished after we had lunch?"

"Did you tell him we were dating? Casey, we only met at the shrink's."

He frowned. "You were at there because of Duncan Kane. Why were you there because of him? I already took care of it."

"Did you kill him, Casey?" she repeated.

"He was hurting you."

Veronica stifled her sob at the words. Even if nobody else found out, even if she had turned off her phone like an idiot instead of answering it, she was confident in the knowledge now that neither she nor Logan did anything to Duncan. "Casey, you put the knife in my hand. I thought you did everything for me. Why would you do that?"

He smiled briefly. "You won't go to jail. You were never in any danger of going to jail."

"You knew Logan would take the fall," she realized. He turned to her and pushed the hair behind her ear. Casey wiped the tears from her cheeks. Then he leaned over her and kissed the tears away. Veronica pushed him away. "Your mom will die if we don't take her to the hospital now."

His eyes flashed with anger. "You don't want to kiss me," he breathed. Then, as if only just remembering then, he voiced, "You fucked Logan Echolls last night."

"Casey," she said tentatively. Veronica could not read his expression then. He had always been open with his emotions. At least that's what she thought. Her heartbeat raced. "Casey."

He grabbed fistfuls of her hair and pulled them under her chin. Veronica grabbed his wrists and tried to pull them off of her. Vaguely, she realized they were teetering on the top step of the staircase. He pulled tighter and Veronica felt darkness edging its way into her vision. Porphyria, she realized. The persona in the poem had strangled Porphyria with her own hair. He would rather kill her than have her touched by any one else.

She choked, then as darkness blanketed her, she realized she was falling endlessly, falling into Casey's arms, being enveloped in his embrace, then falling, jerking, falling and tumbling down.

tbc


	12. Chapter 12

Part 12

When Veronica opened her eyes, she felt the throbbing pain emanating from her head. She squinted at first to see if she would find herself lying on the foot of the staircase beside the poor, likely dead, Mrs Gant. Instead she found, as soon as she could breathe through the steady ache that was urging her to throw up, that she was outside. She smelt the scent of grass and dew in the air. The night darkness was not heavy around her. Veronica squeezed her eyes tightly shut as pain shot through her spine and radiated towards her temples. Then, she saw the night sky in the distance and knew that she was no longer in the vicinity of the Gant home.

She took several moments to assess her surroundings and position. Veronica could tell by the clearing that she was not in the town proper. The stars and the moon shone too bright to be anywhere close to any artificial light. She turned her head, fought so hard to ignore the pain, and saw an old darkened clump of ash and wood on the ground a few yards away. She was sitting on a hard wooden bench inside an open hut, with the roof made of long dried coconut leaves held up by four distinct wooden foundations. It was the cottage that was erected by the Mooncalves to gather in before their functions. Her heart slowed. At least now she knew where she was.

Her head was leaning against something warm. Veronica carefully raised her head and bit her lower lip at the throbbing that intensified. A small mewling sound escape her lips, and the warm pillow holding her head up moved. She stifled any other noise and glanced up at the pillow that had not been a pillow at all but was Casey's shoulder. Tears blurred her vision. She wiped at them hastily and assessed the environment. A cold breeze blew and she shivered, only then glancing down to see her own shoulders bare. Veronica pulled up her top to cover herself.

She froze when he moved again. Veronica crossed her fingers wishing he would fall back into his peaceful sleep so that she could slip away. It was not that easy for her. Casey must have felt the loss of weight on his shoulder because he straightened and opened his eyes, and he was looking directly at her.

Veronica expected him to reach for her and finish off what he had begun. Instead, he cupped her face with cold hands. "Are you okay?" he asked in concern.

Veronica closed her hands around his wrists and tried to pry them away, but he held firm. "Casey, your fingers are too cold," she said softly, not wanting to anger him but anxious to get rid of the chilling sensation.

"I'm sorry." He took his hands away and breathed warm air on them, then he rubbed his hands together. When he felt he had warmed them enough, he gently wrapped them around her throat. "How's this?"

Veronica held her breath. She waited for the feeling of his hands tightening, cutting off her air supply. He did not strangle her. After she nodded, he smiled in satisfaction and pulled her flush towards him. "Casey," she choked out. "Maybe we should head back."

He nibbled on her earlobe, then kissed his way down her neck, pausing to push back her top to reveal her shoulders. She was paralyzed, unable to say no or push him away. Veronica knew she was stronger than someone who could have this done to her twice, by men she had believed herself to have loved once. But Casey's searching kisses, as they traveled over her collarbone and burned a way down her throat, took control. The only other source of heat were the hot trails of the tears that created slicing lines of liquid down her face. "Don't," she whispered.

For a moment her brain screamed in that piercing way she had physically once done when Duncan raped her and she called and called for Logan and he had never come. While her body lay pliant to Casey's touch, her mind begged for Logan to come, or even her father to lift Casey off and throw him to the ground.

"You always find something to complicate us," he said tenderly. Casey shook his head against her flesh. "If you would leave it alone, we can have everything we planned for."

Veronica's throat closed. Again, he was luring her into the web. Had she not been with Logan Echolls only several hours ago, she would have fallen back into her desperate need to be with someone. This was not Veronica Mars. Veronica Mars was the woman who could take control. Logan had given her back the reins and she had relished it. Casey would never take back her control over herself. She forced herself to move her limbs and with one hand pushed firmly on his chest.

Once upon a time she would have waited for anyone to save her. But she remembered that even longer before that, she would have taken care of it himself. Logan reminded her of that person and she wanted to be that person again.

Casey stared at her in horror and disgust. "You pushed me?"

She stood on shaky legs. "I said don't," she repeat coldly.

His eyebrows furrowed. "This isn't you."

Her lips curved. "For someone who'd been watching me since we were in high school, you have a very bad idea about what kind of person I am, Casey."

"You need me, Veronica. You know you do," he reminded her. Casey stood as well and stepped closer to her, running his once more cold fingers down her cheeks, tracing the line of her tears. "I took you away from these. Without me, you would never have stopped crying."

Veronica tried to keep the sneer away from her face. "I don't want you anymore."

Casey nodded, but did not step away. "I know you and you have to accept yourself. Listen to yourself. You may not want me, but what will always be true if you need me. You need me to take you away from the pain. You know as well as I do that I took off all your worries. The moment you were with me, I answered all the pain inside you."

There was a split second in which she faltered. It was true. She had been broken and unnecessary after Logan left, and Casey made her feel needed and loved. Where Logan had done his best to avoid her, Casey had always been there, ever present, always eager to lend his shoulder to cry on.

"You killed Duncan!" she spat out.

"He raped you," came his calm answer. "I even dumped him somewhere else so he would never be tied to you. I did Echolls a favor."

Finally, with all the energy she had left, Veronica pushed him away, sending him hard onto the ground. "You controlled everything about us."

"I had to," he yelled back. "You were nothing when you were with me. You couldn't even decide what you wanted to eat."

And that disgusted her, not at him, but at herself. She had been at a bad place, and he had caught her there.

Veronica ran. In the darkness, with only the stars to light her way, she could not tell what direction to run to. She knew any direction which would not lead to Casey was a desired direction.

"I took care of you!" she heard him shout behind her.

Then she heard him start running after her. Veronica pumped her legs as she ran as hard and as fast as she could in the other direction. She flew past the old barn that she had once tried to break into. And that was when she saw the cemented road in the distance. She was so close. Then arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her against a hard body behind her. She started screaming. A hand closed over her mouth.

"It's okay, Ronnie," the voice murmured into her ear.

The moment she recognized Logan's presence, her entire body slackened and she gasped to regain her breath. He held her firmly against him in the space of seconds that seemed like hours. Then, when she had started breathing normally, he turned her around and held her only as far as he needed to look down at her. Tenderly, he pulled up the neckline that Casey had pushed down to care her shoulders. Logan's touches were much rougher than Casey's as he cupped her face, but Veronica eagerly stood on tiptoes to meet his kiss. Logan lacked finesse in that kiss; he was anxious and relieved and did not gain any point for style. But she wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him down to her.

When they pulled away, she said, "You found me."

He nodded. "I wanted to save you this time. But you saved yourself."

She nodded, blinking back the tears of relief. "I think it's better this way. I need to save myself sometime."

Again, he crushed her to him. She wondered if she should remind him of her issues with being controlled, and that his tight embrace left her no room to struggle. Oddly enough, she did not seem to want to struggle so she stayed silent. "Your father's out there," he rumbled after a while. "Lamb arrived a few minutes after we did. They were supposed to arrest me back because your dad broke me out." The vibration of his voice on his chest soothed her.

"My dad broke you out of jail?"

"Yeah," Logan answered. "If I didn't know better, I'd say he's forgiven me for—"

"Don't get your hopes up," she murmured, laying her head against his chest. Tried hard not to think of how Casey wanted this.

Logan chuckled softly. "Well, Lamb finally caved. Apart from your father's convincing him, I think Lamb knew he had no choice when the Mooncalf Collective came to the sheriff's office shortly after we left. Apparently, they noticed a lot of changes in Casey after his grandmother died. Recently he'd exhibited morbidity and violence. Patrol found Mrs Gant barely breathing in the house. That's what I understood from the brief skirmish your dad had with Lamb before they headed out."

When he received no response, Logan glanced down and saw that she had fallen asleep on her feet, with her head against his chest. He swore he would give her her control back, and that he would respect her decisions and never treat her the way Casey and Duncan did. That did not mean that he would not take care of her the way he had always wanted to do. He lifted her into his arms and walked with her towards Keith's car. On the backseat they waited. He could be a hero and run off where Keith and the police were hunting down Casey, or he could be a bigger hero and screw masculine pride so he could stay with Veronica and assure her in case she woke up disoriented.

About half an hour later, when he was almost falling asleep as well, Logan saw the movement towards them. He squinted at the people coming. When he recognized it, he turned Veronica, sleeping against him. "Veronica. Veronica, I think you need to see this."

With a soft moan, she blinked open her eyes and first looked up into Logan's. She smiled and received a quick kiss.

"Over there."

She turned and saw as Casey, in handcuffs, was led to the squad car by the sheriff and his deputies. Behind them walked Keith Mars. As one of the deputies pushed Casey' head down so he would not hit it on the car roof, Casey turned and as if he always knew where she was, he looked straight at her.

She heard his voice in her mind, repeating the statement he kept on telling her over their relationship. _i "I wish you appreciated everything I did for you."/i_

"They're locking him up," she said.

Logan squeezed her arm. "He's never going to touch you again."

She smiled, not because she was happy that Casey was going to jail, but because it was over. Veronica would never completely hate him. Casey had been too complex. It had been easy for her to hate Duncan in the aftermath because he had violated her so completely. Casey believed fully that all he did, including the murder, was for her. She did not want what issue he had, and given how much she had changed, Veronica was certain she would not go breaking into Casey's shrink's office to take his file. That file could save him from jail and lock him up in an institution instead. Jake Kane, of course, would do everything in his power to make sure his son's murderer was locked up for good.

"I hope he gets better." And that, to Veronica, was that. She leaned against Logan and closed her eyes.

Epilogue

"No! That goes over there next to the minister," Mac called out. "Have the doves arrived?" she asked one of the attendants as she picked up the hem of her dress." She stood on tiptoes and saw Meg Manning walking towards her looking calm and Mac hated her for it. "Meg, did you get a hold of Jennifer?"

Meg shook her head and handed a bouquet to Mac. "I am not going to call Jen and tell her that her designs suck just because you don't think you can pull it off."

"Who designs a full length dress for a beach wedding?" Mac demanded.

"Come on," Meg urged. "We're about to start."

Mac sighed and started walking, stumbling over the hem again. "I swear to God, if I fall flat on my face later I am taking Jen out of our designer list."

"Ssshhh." Meg placed a finger over her lips and pointed at Logan. Mac glanced over at him. Logan had settled on the first pew and had his elbows on his knees, with his hands clasped in front of him, head down and eyes closed.

Mac narrowed her eyes. "Is he muttering something?"

"He's praying," Meg whispered.

Mac's features softened. Once she had told him that what he wanted to get back was long buried in the sand. She thanked God Logan was stubborn enough to bring a shovel and dig deep to retrieve it.

_iWhen Veronica had invited her and Meg to dinner about eight months after Casey Gant was sent to jail for the murders of Duncan, his own father and a Gant employee rumored to have been Casey's deprogrammer, and the attempted murder of his own mother, Meg had been shocked when she held up her hand to show them the tasteful blue diamond surrounded by small amethysts. While Meg blubbered with excitement and asked Veronica thousand questions, Mac's gaze rose and rested on the car parked up front and the driver waiting behind the wheel. Mac congratulated Veronica sincerely, because she knew even after all those years, it had always been Logan Echolls. Afterwards, she excused herself to go to the bathroom._

_Mac made her way out into the street and stood outside the car. "You're not following her around, are you? She's had enough of that."_

_Logan smiled and shook his head. "She asked me to drive her here. She was nervous that you guys would freak out." Mac arched her eyebrows. "All right. She was nervous that you would freak out on her."_

"_And she figured if you were physically on hand I'd freak out less?"_

"_I don't question it when she has a request like that," Logan answered truthfully. "I'm just thankful that I have the chance to come with her."_

_Mac winced. She was not prepared for Logan Echolls making comments like that. "Well come on. If you're going to hang around, you should at least be useful and foot the bill. I'll give you guys a discount on the wedding expenses."_

_Logan grinned and walked with Mac back into the restaurant. The moment Veronica saw who had arrived, she broke into a bright smile and initiated the kiss in greeting, and Mac was convinced. /i_

"Is it safe to leave him there?" Meg continued. "He looks so shaky. He might bolt."

Mac shook her head. "I doubt it."

When they started down the aisle on rose petals scattered by Meg's niece, Mac watched Logan closely. His nerves still seemed to be wound tightly, as was expected. Beside him stood his best man Dick. Mac's eyes rested on one of the groomsmen, Cassidy. Cass reached forward and patted Logan on the back.

After Mac had taken her place across from the groomsmen, she turned her attention to the end of the aisle. That was when Veronica took her place, swathed completely in the full white lace veil. Mac watched affectionately as Keith proudly walked her daughter down the aisle towards his future son-in-law.

When they reached Logan, Logan gave Keith a tight embrace. From the distance Mac read Logan's lips when he whispered into Keith's ear, "Thanks, Mr Mars."

Keith slapped Logan on the back. "She was always going to want to be with you. Strong woman like her… I didn't have a choice. You can call me dad." He missed the shock and elation on Logan's open face because he then turned to his daughter and kissed her. He then handed her to Logan.

"I love you," Logan told her.

In response, she raised his hand to her lips under the veil. Always, ever since he returned, the profession had always come from his lips. He had never once heard her say it, and he never blamed her. She had said it to him too often, too long, unreturned, since Duncan died. After three years she had been burned too often that Logan may have hurt that she didn't return the words, but he knew she felt it. He gave her a small smile to show her he did not mind her silence. He turned to the minister.

He felt her squeeze his hand and heard her say the words. "I love you, Logan." Logan turned to her and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I never stopped even when I couldn't say it."

"I know," he rasped.

Logan cupped her cheek over the veil. He heard someone clear his throat. He leaned to kiss her and the guests laughed. A hand closed over his shoulder. He turned and saw Keith shaking his head.

"We're starting," Keith told him.

Veronica flushed.

"If you don't mind," the minister said.

Logan nodded and tightened his hand around Veronica's.

fin


End file.
